Want to Know Whether The Hollywood Film Awards Were a Good Time? Ask Johnny Depp

A breakdown of TV’s newest televised awards show

The Hollywood Film Awards kicked off awards season in L.A. by gathering folks who might be in this year’s Oscars race and giving them prizes. A slew of A-listers showed up, from Angelina Jolie to Benedict Cumberbatch to Chris Rock. Queen Latifah was the first host (“You always remember your first,” she purred), and during commercial breaks she wandered into the audience and chatted people up. But there were a few awkward moments inside the Palladium at the inaugural telecast. Exhibit A: Johnny “weirdest microphone” Depp (see the video below), and Exhibit B: Jennifer “drain your dragon” Lopez. The show was so loose that no one even bothered to sit in their seats when the cameras were rolling, and the only forms of sustenance on the tables were MOET and desserts. (Not that we’re complaining.) And then, there was an after-party. Here is some order amidst what was most certainly chaos.

Firsts: The Hollywood Film Awards is the first award-fest of the movie award-winning season. It was also the first time the party has been televised (by Dick Clark Productions) on CBS. First host? Queen Latifah.

Two Pairs of Exes: Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart were both in the room. Kristen popped in to present an award to Julianne Moore and needed to stand up a little straighter in what was an ill-fitting dress (#nipslip). And Pattison’s hairdo was really interesting—for a role, I hope. Also in attendance were exes Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, a.k.a. Bennifer, the original celebrity portmanteau.

Three Men, Two F-Bombs, One Weird Mic: Phones cameras slowly started rolling at every table as Johnny Depp slurred his way through an intro of documentary subject Shep Gordon (Supermensch). He then presented the award to the docu’s director Mike Myers. Depp dropped two f-bombs that had CBS scrambling for the special button. “I’m not very good at this kind of thing,” he began, “F#@k it, I’m leaving …” You couldn’t hear the second part on the air.

Four Spouses: The number of wives Robert Duvall has had. As he accepted a Supporting Actor award (presented by Robert Downey Jr.), he thanked his current wife Luciana Pedraza, adding, “I’ve had a few other better halves, but she’s the best better half I ever had.”

Taking Five: There was a party after the party (as if anyone needed an excuse to drink more). Upon exiting the Palladium, guests followed a red carpet that spread over the entire street to The Hollywood Reporter’s afterparty at the W Hollywood Loft. Mike Myers took to the stage to drum along with the DJ, and Queen Latifah changed into something comfier and joined the throng around the pool.

Photograph by Unvision