Sure, there will be someone in your office who slaps on a pair of cat ears and calls it a costume to justify eating the free cake at the conference room soiree, and then there are those co-workers who live for Halloween who go so far to win the office costume contest, you’d think the $50 gift card prize to Sotto was the Heisman Trophy. No matter where you fall in this spook-trum, we’ve rounded up a few getups you should probably avoid. You know, if you want to keep your job.
RUBBER MAN. What’s more shocking than this religion-revealing latex suit, is where it is sold. You used to have to travel to some seedy part of town to a windowless shop filled with dildos and imitation rubber lady parts to get an outfit like this, but now you can get your freak on with a trip to your local Target or Sears. And yes, American Horror Story was a big hit, but do you really want to hang around the water cooler as a demonic rapist?
MEGA MEASURE MAN. Really?! Tape Measure Man? Maybe if you work at the Home Depot this would fly. But in most offices, this suit is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. And all day you’ll realize that you’re damned if you hold up those two inches, and you’re damned if you don’t.
SCREWDRIVER. Nothing could make this over-sized sexual reference costume more lame, except, perhaps, if the wearer went around saying, “I’m a screwdriver. Get it? A screwdriver. Anybody need to get screwed?” Oh, yes, you’ll be LOL’ing all the way to the unemployment line.
SLAVE LEIA. Talk about navel gazing…! Truth is, if you showed up to work in this, your co-workers would not be admiring your commitment to cardio-barre classes or your ability to crack open coconuts with your abs. They’d be thinking about how they will avoid sitting in the Gulf-sized oil slick you left on the chair during the morning meeting. Save this outfit for next year’s Comic Con.
SEXY SOCK MONKEY. Who even came up with this one? We’ve seen our fair share of sexy costumes, sexy cops and sexy gangsters, sexy plumbers and sexy exterminators, but this may be the saddest sexy-whatever costume ever because it’s trying so hard to be young and sexy but it isn’t, like Dina Lohan.
SEXY TWISTER. This colorful ensemble would be a hit at swinger’s parties. At work, it would all be fun and games until the creepy dude with the googly eyes from the mailroom spins “right hand on blue” and then refuses to give up his turn.