5 Sexy Halloween Costumes That Will Wreck Your Childhood Memories


Sexy nurse, I get. Sexy cop, OK. But sexy Waldo? Come on! This whole sexy Halloween thing has gotten out of control. I don’t know how or why the innocent notion of dressing scary to get candy has turned into a yearly excuse for women to look slutty, but it makes me sad. Worst of all may be the trend this year to dress as sexualized versions of children’s pop culture characters. I found Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Sexy Spongebob Squarepants, Sexy Pokemon, and Sexy Tweety Bird  costumes, the last of which I find especially offensive. Tweety was my childhood favorite—so cute and unsullied. Look at him now. That’s depressing. Sexy Mario just weirds me out. And please do not go as a trampy version of a Disney princess; little girls have enough issues thanks to Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. For the record, some of these costumes aren’t even sexy. Look at Sexy X Wing Fighter and the Sexy Transformer, then imagine taking a walk of shame in either getup. Even Gisele Bundchen would have trouble getting lucky in one of those outfits. It seems the people who make Halloween costumes have run out of occupations to tart up, so ladies, if you must go as a strumpet version of something, may I suggest Sexy Lobster. The It Costume of the Year won’t step on my most innocent memories.