14 Things That Blew in the ’80s

It wasn’t just the coke

Nostalgia has a way of taking the edge off our memories. As Angelenos, we did things and wore things and, yes, snorted things that were bad for us. Very bad. Cocaine was just one of many stupid ideas that prevailed (with disastrous results) during the decade. Herewith we offer our cringeworthy worst.

1. “Where’s the Beef?” T-shirt
The ad slogan that launched a thousand creepy innuendos

2. Big Hair
Nobody knows how to defy gravity quite like Cher

3. The Scrunchie
The hair equivalent of big ol’ granny panties

4. Zubaz Pants
Teachable moment: Never take fashion cues from pro wrestlers

5. “Baby on Board!” Sign
A pointless safety fad worth throwing out with the bathwater

6. Tanning Beds
Don’t forget the baby oil!

7. Shutter shades
They looked just as dorky 30 years before Kanye wore them

8. Sun-In Hair Lightener
Orange was the new blond

9. The Fanny Pack
An accessory that sounded like a porn film

10. The Keytar
The mullet of musical instruments: keyboard in the front, guitar in the back

11. Jams
All of the ugliness of a Hawaiian shirt re-imagined as a pair of high-waisted shorts

12. Sammy Hagar in Van Halen
Couldn’t drive 55—or fill the assless chaps of Diamond Dave

13. Dynatac Phone
Nothing says “mobile device” like a $4,000 antenna-sprouting brick

14. Smurfette
The Paris Hilton of Smurfs’ Village