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We Hate to Break It To You, But “Top Chef” is Just a TV Show

Why reality television should not be looked upon as a guide to great cooking

Kids’ Meal

Illustration by Tim Bower I will not talk to you about where the best burger in the city is. Or the best cupcake. Because I am not a small child....

Naming Names

Illustration by Tim Bower I understand that we live in an every-kid-gets-a-trophy society. I get that in this Monsanto age of factory farming, we should celebrate individuals who grow...

Let’s Get Juiced

Illustration by Tim Bower I am in enemy territory. There are young, superthin, attractive women here. Not just working here. They’re patrons. Worse yet, many of them are doing a...

Fishy Upgrade

Illustration by Tim Bower The waiter at Red Medicine is asking me if I want to add uni to my heirloom rice porridge for $10 extra. Really—uni as a topping?...