LAmag.com, January 2009
CINEMA 2008 DE WATERS (not to be confused with empirical reality)
10 (once in a blue moon masterpiece)
1. Synecdoche, New York (if you didn’t respond to it as much as I did…you’re lucky)
9 (truly excellent)
- 2. Hunger
- 3. A Christmas Tale
- 4. Tell No One
- 5. The Dark Knight
- 6. In Bruges
- 7. Waltz with Bashir
- 8. My Winnipeg
- 9. Reprise
8 (pretty great)
MOSTLY UNAMERCIAN, MOSTLY UNNOTICED, COMPLETELY AWESOME
- 10. Water Lilies
- 11. Let the Right One In
- 12. Boy A
- 13. Summer Palace
- 14. Roman de Gare
- 15. Man on Wire
- 16. Jellyfish
- 17. The Edge of Heaven
- 18. Still Life
- 19. Heartbeat Detector
- 20. Silent Light
THE DAZZLING PIECE OF PERFECTION THAT IS RIGHTFULLY WORSHIPPED BY ONE AND ALL…BUT I’M A DISTURBED IMPERFECTIONIST WARY OF TRADITIONAL JOY
21. Wall-E
SPECIAL CATEGORY FOR FILMS THAT BOLDY DEFIED CATEGORIZATION AND WERE BRUTALLY PUNISHED BY THE MUGGLES (AND YES, THE SPECIAL FONT GIVES AWAY THAT MY FILM IS ONE OF THEM)
- 22. Speed Racer
- 23. Sex and Death 101
- 24. Be Kind Rewind
- 25. Cloverfield (actually got pretty decent reviews, but the boos of the boors were loud)
- 26. Pathology
OSCAR I-LOVE-YA CINEMA—THE ONLY-A-LITTLE-OVERRATED
- 27. Doubt
- 28. Milk
- 29. The Class
- 30. Frost/Nixon
- 31. Slumdog Millionaire
BACK TO THE NORMALLY PRETTY GREAT…
- 32. Iron Man
- 33. Encounters at the End of the World
- 34. Tropic Thunder
- 35. Trouble the Water
- 36. Up the Yangtze
- 37. Vicky Cristina Barcelona (could have been a masterpiece if Woody wrote second drafts)
- 38. Ballast
- 39. Four Minutes
- 40. Love Songs
- 41. The Counterfeiters
- 42. Role Models
- 43. Save Me
7 (really good)
- 44. The Bank Job
- 45. Australia
- 46. Pineapple Express
- 47. The Spiderwick Chronicles
- 48. The Wrestler
- 49. Ghost Town
- 50. RocknRolla
- 51. Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist
- 52. Paranoid Park
- 53. U2 3D
- 54. Baghead
- 55. The Visitor
- 56. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
- 57. Standard Operating Procedure
- 58. Bolt
- 59. The Duchess of Langeais
- 60. The Duchess
- 61. Mamma Mia!
- 62. Dark Matter
- 63. Religulous
- 64. Happy-Go-Lucky
- 65. Son of Rambow
- 66. XXY
- 67. The Last Mistress
- 68. The Signal
- 69. The Witnesses
- 70. Mongol
- 71. The Unforeseen
- 72. Step Brothers
- 73. Snow Angels
- 74. Mad Detective
- 75. A Girl Cut in Two
- 76. Momma’s Man
- 77. OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies
- 78. Choke
IF YOU THOUGHT MY AFFECTION FOR SPEED RACER WAS INSANE, MEET MY TRUE GUILTY PLEASURES…
- 79. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan
- 80. Viva
- 81. Twilight
- 82. JVCD
- 83. Horton Hears a Who!
- 84. Punisher: War Zone
- 85. Kung Fu Panda
- 86. Sex Drive
- 87. Young People Fucking
- 88. Quid Pro Quo
- 89. Seven Pounds (sorry…but I was sitting next to a proud and glowing Rosario Dawson)
- 90. Teeth
- 91. Doomsday
- 92. Postal (and yes, I just rated Uwe Boll higher than my beloved David Fincher)
OSCAR-I-LOVE-YA CINEMA—THE TRULY OVERRATED
- 93. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- 94. Rachel Getting Married
- 95. Che
- 96. The Reader
- 97. I’ve Loved You So Long
- 98. Frozen River
- 99. Changeling
- 100. Gomorrah
- 101. Revolutionary Road (not worth five minutes of the weakest episode of Mad Men, but sure is pretty)
BLAH FILMS REDEEMED BY KILLER ENDINGS
- 102. Ben X
- 103. Nothing But the Truth
A RETURN TO THE NORMALLY REALLY GOOD…
- 104. Baby Mama
- 105. Shotgun Stories
- 106. Appaloosa
- 107. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
- 108. Lou Reed’s Berlin
- 109. Flight of the Red Balloon
- 110. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
- 111. Transsiberian
- 112. Redbelt
- 113. Surfwise
- 114. [email protected]
- 115. Henry Poole is Here
- 116. Brideshead Revisited
- 117. Patti Smith: Dream of Life
- 118. Yella
- 119. The Wackness
- 120. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
6 (just good)
- 121. Defiance (would be higher, but Zwick Q&A anecdote about whipping Denzel in Glory freaked me out)
- 122. Wanted (image 9, words 2)
- 123. Cadillac Records
- 124. Lakeview Terrace
- 125. W.
- 126. Boarding Gate
- 127. Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
- 128. Traitor
- 129. Quantum of Solace
- 130. Flash of Genius
- 131. Transporter 3
- 132. The Grand
- 133. Body of Lies
- 134. What We Do is Secret
- 135. Timecrimes
- 136. Mister Lonely
- 137. High School Musical 3: Senior Year
- 138. City of Ember
- 139. Death Defying Acts
- 140. Mother of Tears
- 141. In Search of a Midnight Kiss
- 142. The Fall
- 143. Priceless
- 144. Splinter
- 145. Frontier(s)
- 146. Towelhead
- 147. Definitely, Maybe
- 148. Penelope
- 149. The Lucky Ones
- 150. Rambo
- 151. Death Race
- 152. Babylon A.D.
ART-HOUSE CINEMA: BIG LIE EDITION
- 153. Funny Games (Mr. Haneke, I thought your “chilling indictment of our obsession with violence” was a good movie, just not as good as “Rambo,” “Death Race,” or “Babylon A.D.”
- 154. Wendy and Lucy (I’ve seen “Umberto D.,” “Umberto D.” is a friend of mine, you know the rest…)
- 155. Burn After Reading (will probably go up a hundred places after second viewing though)
- 156. Last Chance Harvey
GUILTY COMIC PLEASURES: I MUST BE RETARDED EDITION
- 157. Sex and the City
- 158. My Best Friend’s Girl
- 159. The Foot Fist Way
- 160. Semi-Pro
- 161. Harold & Kumar Escape Guantanamo Bay
- 162. The House Bunny (if Anna Faris ever does a movie as good as she is, there will be World Peace)
- 163. 27 Dresses
- 164. Hamlet 2
- 165. The Rocker
- 166. Get Smart
- 167. And yes, I even liked The Love Guru
BACK TO THE NORMALLY JUST GOOD…
- 168. Chicago 10
- 169. The Black Balloon
- 170. Good Dick
- 171. Leatherheads
- 172. Take Out
- 173. Billy the Kid
- 174. Never Back Down
- 175. Nights in Rodanthe
- 176. The Forbidden Kingdom
- 177. The Tracey Fragments
- 178. The Incredible Hulk
- 179. The Babysitters
- 180. Pride and Glory
- 181. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
- 182. George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead
- 183. Cassandra’s Dream
- 184. Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
- 185. American Teen
- 186. Eagle Eye
5 (almost something)
- 187. The Midnight Meat Train
- 188. Savage Grace
- 189. The Life Before Her Eyes
- 190. Married Life
- 191. Tyler Perry’s The Family That Preys
- 192. Finding Amanda
- 193. Stop-loss
- 194. Mister Foe
- 195. The Alphabet Killer
- 196. Chaos Theory
- 197. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
- 198. Elegy
- 199. Zombie Strippers
- 200. Four Christmases
- 201. Sisterhood of theTraveling Pants 2
- 202. My Blueberry Nights
- 203. What Happens in Vegas
- 204. Stuck
- 205. Special
- 206. Then She Found Me
- 207. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
- 208. Gardens of the Night
- 209. The Strangers
- 210. CJ7
- 211. Military Intelligence and You
- 212. Ping Pong Playa
- 213. Noise
- 214. Eden
- 215. Fear(s)of the Dark
- 216. Saw V
- 217. The Tale of Despereaux
- 218. The Women
- 219. Street Kings
- 220. Hank and Mike
- 221. 21
- 222. Expired
- 223. Over her Dead Body
4 (painlessly mediocre)
- 224. City of Men
- 225. Sukiyaki Western Django
- 226. Fugitive Pieces
- 227. The Day the Earth Stood Still
- 228. Red
- 229. Blindness
- 230. Marley & Me
- 231. War, Inc.
- 232. Bottle Shock
- 233. The Secret Life of Bees
- 234. Vantage Point
- 235. Hancock
- 236. The Happening
- 237. Deception
- 238. Swing Vote
- 239. Nim’s Island
- 240. The Other Boleyn Girl
- 241. How to Lose Friends & Alienate People
- 242. Jumper
- 243. Bedtime Stories
- 244. Meet Dave
- 245. Shine a Light
OSCAR-I-LOVE-YA-CINEMA—THE YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING
- 246. Miracle at St. Anna
- 247. Valkyrie
- 248. Gran Torino
- 249. What Doesn’t Kill You
3 (painfully mediocre)
- 250. Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins
- 251. The Spirit
- 252. What just happened
- 253. Righteous Kill
- 254. Yes Man
- 255. 10,000 B.C.
- 256. Max Payne
- 257. The X files: I Want to Believe
- 258. Untraceable
- 259. Fool’s Gold
- 260. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
- 261. Journey to the Center of the Earth (3-D Version)
- 262. Charlie Bartlett
- 263. The Longshots
- 264. Hounddog
- 265. Garden Party
- 266. Kabluey
- 267. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
- 268. Drillbit Taylor
- 269. Bangkok Dangerous
- 270. Smart People
- 271. Witless Protection
- 272. Mad Money
- 273. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
- 274. Fun, Fat Boy, Run
- 275. The Eye
2 (pretty bad)
- 276. Hell Ride
- 277. Sleepwalking
- 278. An American Carol
- 279. Disaster Movie
- 280. Strange Wilderness
- 281. One Missed Call
1 (truly painful)
- 282. 88 Minutes
- 283. Meet the Spartans
- 284. The Lost
- 285. College
0 (once-in-a-blue-moon shitstorm)
Nothing that foul this year (College was saved by me liking the way Haley Bennett slouches…)
THE SHAMEFULLY MISSED
- Quarantine (saw Rec, the original Spanish film that this is a shot-for-shot remake of)
- The Secret of the Grain
- Anamorph
- Adam Resurrected
- Alexandra
- Beaufort
- Beverly Hills Chihuahua
- College Road Trip
- Flashpoint
- American Zombie
- The Battle in Seattle
- Beauty in Trouble
- Bigger, Stronger, Faster
- Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father
- The Doorman
- Eight Miles High
- Falling
- Filth and Wisdom
- Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
- The Hammer
- Igor
- Irina Palm
- Made of Honor
- Meet Bill
- Mirrors
- Passengers
- Prom Night
- The Promotion
- Remember the Daze
- Superhero Movie
- A Thousand Years of Good Prayers
- The Unknown Woman
