True Bar Stories


theessentials_masa_t A Possum Walks Into A Bar
“It was a quiet Tuesday night. A few ladies were sitting at the bar, enjoying their cocktails, when suddenly they began shrieking, ‘Possum! Possum!’ I ran around the bar, where I was greeted by a rodent of unusual size—it was knee high and two feet long! I screamed and began chasing it, shaking a tiny six-inch muddler at this huge thing. After about five or six minutes, I managed to wrangle it toward the door, and it scurried off into the night. I took a shot of tequila and resumed my work.” Cari Hah, Neat


theessentials_masa_t We Saw It #1 
A “Blow & Go” Breathalyzer for public use, hanging on the wall at the Malibu Inn’s bar.


theessentials_masa_t Release The Hounds
“A lady comes in pushing a neon baby carriage with a live toy poodle covered in diamonds. When I tell her she has to take the dog outside, she screams at me but eventually leaves. ‘Wow,’ I think, ‘this is the L.A. they told me about.’” Allan Katz, Caña Rum Bar


theessentials_masa_t We Saw It #2
A massage chair (occupied) in the semicrowded bar at the Library @ the Redbury.


theessentials_masa_t What An Arm!
“It was way after last call, and this young guy— maybe 25— came up and asked me for a drink. I tried to tell him we were closed, but he got really hostile, shouting, ‘F— you! Give me a drink!’ I’m like, ‘Hey, it’s after 2 a.m. We’re closed.’ I turned around and heard something whiz by my head. He had thrown an empty rocks glass at me and missed, hitting the shelf of liquor instead, which collapsed. There were shards of glass and Belvedere everywhere.” Eric “ET” Tecosky, Jones


theessentials_masa_t We Saw It #3
Electronic cigarettes, puffed on by gaggles of scenesters, lighting up the Sayers Club.


theessentials_masa_t America’s Got No Talent
“We have a live burlesque performance on Friday and Saturday, where girls dance on a raised catwalk and the bar top. One night a customer crawled onto the bar and attempted her own amateur show. I told her she wasn’t allowed up there, but she ignored me, so I grabbed the soda gun and sprayed her head to toe. Instead of coming down, she channeled her inner ‘Coyote Ugly’ and used the water as part of her routine. Finally she fell into her friends’ arms. She laughed and said, ‘I love this bar!’” Maxine Wynn, Harvard & Stone


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