When I was 22 I got drunk with another in-the-closet guy. We got naked, had oral sex, and we never spoke of it again. That was my first sexual experience.
It’s not that I wasn’t attracted to girls. I used to go with friends to strip clubs a lot and have no problem getting excited. It’s just that I’d also get excited when I looked at a guy.
I didn’t lose my virginity with a woman until I turned 28.
I played straight for as long as I could. A guy walking down the street with a masculine shuffle—
that’s an act as much as a drag queen is an act. But it wasn’t me.
I always thought, “If I just tried hard enough!” I didn’t want to be gay so bad.
I used to give myself cutoff points. One year I said that after my birthday I wouldn’t think about guys anymore. But I did.
The Larry Craig bathroom scandal really weighed on me. I kept thinking, “This is who
I’m becoming.” I would meet guys in chat rooms and then drive to their place. I think I was on
my way there.
I woke up one day in 2007 having no intention of being gay by the end of the day. Then I had a massive panic attack. A voice in my head told me that I needed to admit it.
From the moment I admitted it out loud to my girlfriend, it took about two weeks to
start living my new life.
I’ll be honest—the sex I’ve had with men hasn’t come close to being as good as the sex I had
with women. I liked the emotional tenderness.
I’m 24 years old. Nobody has touched my boobs—under or over the shirt. Nobody’s seen my boobs. All I’ve done is kissed.
I don’t masturbate. For me it’s about avoiding lustful thoughts.
I abide by the Bible. I don’t think the Lord is saying I’m going to blow up if I have sex. It’s about preserving the sanctity of sex instead of letting it become just another activity, like Xbox.
I work in television. There are a lot of older men. There’s definitely a sexual energy, from the scripts to the jokes on set. And I get it. I appreciate that humor.
Sure, I want to have sex. I feel very in touch with my body. I feel attractive. I’ll say it—I feel sexy. This is the sacrifice I’m making now. I feel somebody will be lucky to have sex with me when I get married.
I have never seen a penis.
My first kiss was junior year in high school with my first boyfriend. We waited three months to do that. Later we were making out and we got into his bed. I freaked out so bad, I broke up with him.
I don’t feel the need to tell everyone that I’m a virgin. That just attracts more attention to my virginity rather than to why I’m a virgin.
I’ll dress up and put on a short skirt. I want men to want to have sex with me. I have the same goal everybody has when they’re dressing up—mine is just more long-term.
In high school I was called a prude, which is funny now. But then some hot guy would tell me, “Oh, you’re marriage material.” I figured, “OK, I think I would rather be marriage material than a hoochie.”
I’m sort of resigned to the fact that my husband won’t be a virgin.
The Porn Spouse
TV Producer, Van Nuys
I was working at a TV station and she had an art show we featured, so I went. She was 19. I was 42. She was a little strange, but I wanted to know her. I’d never married, but on our third date I said I was going to marry her.
I’d just had two heart attacks and couldn’t work. She got a job at Wendy’s and was paid $111 for two weeks. She said, “I’m not going to work for $111. We’re already swingers—what about porn?”
She got her first movie in four days. It paid $1,000. After the scene everyone was wiping off—it’s messy—and she goes, “This sure the hell beats Wendy’s!”
I tell her, “Go to work and have a good time!” I always ask, “How’d the scene go? Were they nice?” She’ll say, “Oh, someone farted and we had to reshoot.”
I rarely go on set when she’s working. Men have a difficult time screwing your wife if you’re there. They’re apprehensive about smacking her on the ass, or pulling her hair. I don’t think that’s fair.
I’m convinced that she loves me forever. And I just don’t see anything interrupting that.
I have chlamydia now. She brought it to me. She didn’t mean to. It’s just part of the business.
I was on the set of her first scene. Two guys were really rough with her. Afterward I mentioned it to one and he said, “Dude, I’m really sorry.” I look at that scene today and think, “My God, that’s 40 minutes of two guys screwing my wife!” I ask her, “What’s the lesson here?” She says, “I’ll never let anyone do a scene like that again.” That makes me feel good. She’s growing up.
The Swinger Couple
TV editor, ad rep
She: I was married three years and thought I wanted kids. But it was a sexless marriage, and kids were not what I wanted.
He: When we met, I’d already been to a swingers party. I remember a girl staring at me while she was with someone. As I’m walking by, she grabs me and kisses me. I’d never experienced anything like that.
She: This was never a fantasy of mine. What I knew about swinging I had read in Penthouse Forum.
He: But a friend who knew we were open to ideas said, “There’s a party—want to go?”
She: We had an amazing relationship, a real love, and we didn’t want to risk that.
He: We went, though. It was a hair salon by day, and at night they put up partitions and walls for a club.
She: There was a couple going at it, people watching them. I realized, ‘‘They want us to watch!” Then we started playing. I’m more of an exhibitionist than he; I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. And that’s the first time we had sex in public.
He: I will say there was a lot of alcohol involved that night.
She: The sex that we have at home after these parties is the best we’ve ever had. The parties are foreplay.
He: I think a lot of people try to fix their marriages by swinging to get the excitement back.
She: I’m not ashamed, but I would never want my friends to know. People wouldn’t understand. It sounds gross, and it’s not. This forces emotions and fears that one would never otherwise deal with.
He: We talk about everything. There are fantasies we would not talk of if we hadn’t done this.
I’m not stupid. I know the implications. But when you’re married, you know what’s going to happen today, tomorrow, this weekend. Every person I know thinks my husband is amazing. If I told my friends I was cheating, they would be like, “What is wrong with you?”
My husband can go without sex for a month, whereas I’m climbing the walls. We’d get in bed and he’d say, “OK, good night.” And then I got pregnant, and sex was almost nonexistent.
I remember hearing of this Web site [for adulterers who want to meet] and thinking, What kind of people were on it? I set up a profile and instantly got bombarded with messages. The person I’m with now—his profile was hilarious. I wrote back.
The day we met I kept saying, “What are you doing? Turn around.” But it was exciting. I kissed him in the restaurant.
On the second date we met at a hotel. The sex was amazing—a new body, a new taste. It’s not about leaving our spouses. We just want to experience that feeling you get the first time.
The guilt is hard. But I haven’t stopped. Now when I have sex with my husband, I’m thinking, “Whoa, it is so much better on the other side of the street!”
We have specific rules. I never save his number in my phone. I only call him if he calls me. We always have something to say in case we run into someone.
Sometimes I get resentful that the passion is gone in my marriage. But maybe that’s just an easy way to justify what I’m doing.
My husband trusts me 110 percent.