How to Put on Your Face at Four Stoplights
La Brea and Sunset:
Concentrate. Yes, you should have done this at home, but better late than never.
La Brea and Santa Monica:
Hold steady. Resist urge to flip off guy leering from next lane over.
Santa Monica and Fairfax:
Relax. Powdering your nose is so easy, you could do it while accelerating (but don’t!).
Santa Monica and Robertson:
Ignore woman honking behind you. Full lashes aren’t worth putting an eye out.
How to Change into Formal Attire in a Parked Car
Crawl into backseat (steering wheel is a deal breaker).
Remove Vans and peel off jeans while maintaining this-is-normal facial expression.
In one swift, graceful movement, wriggle out of T-shirt and dive into gown.
Shimmy into dress until it’s vaguely in place. Slip into Jimmy Choos.
How to Give Your Boss a Ride Home
Remove the 57 empty water bottles from floor.
Wipe down dashboard with dirty clothes earmarked for dry cleaner.
Stuff stray Cheerios between seat cushions.
Hide all evidence of Katy Perry CD collection.
Illustrations by Bill Brown