Here’s the background: three men rolled up to a parking garage on Glendale’s Brand Boulevard on Monday and stuffed a seven-foot fake Christmas tree—valued at $1,000—into the backseat of a Jaguar. A 22-year-old guy named Raffi Varosyan was arrested and charged on suspicion of grand theft, thanks to surveillance tape that caught the Jag’s license plate. Cops are searching for the other two men and have yet to locate the beleaguered tree.
Dear thieves, we’d like to know:
1) Didn’t you imagine you’d get caught? There are cameras everywhere, especially in parking garages.
2) Were you high? It was 11 a.m. on Monday. If so, wow.
3, 4) Why didn’t you cover your license plate? How about wearing masks?
5,6,7) Why are you stealing a Christmas tree? And why this one? Did the tinsel impress you?
8) More on previous questioning: if you can afford a Jaguar, can’t you buy your own Xmas decorations?
9, 10) You stole a seven foot tree. Why use a Jag as a getaway vehicle? You couldn’t borrow someone’s SUV? You could probably rent one, or a U-Haul, for a lot less than your bail.
11, 12, 13) Why haven’t the other two crooks come forward? Do you really think Glendale police have so many other crimes to solve that they’re just going to give up on finding you? Or that your friend won’t squeal?