Our 11 Tips for Avoiding Road Rage

Arrive alive, and in a Zen-like state
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A week doesn’t go by without a road rage story creeping into the local news cycle (the latest: a man in Hemet was hit by his own car after getting into an argument with other drivers). Without popping Xanax regularly, it’s impossible to not feel your blood pressure rise when simply traveling from point A to point B in this city — but it’s not practical to let every slight drive you bonkers. To keep you sane, and alive, we offer these following suggestions:

Accept that the vast majority of people in Los Angeles cannot drive and appreciate you are not one of them. That superiority will carry you through to your destination with the grace of Gwyneth Paltrow.

regan-bed-scene-from-exorcist-bobble-head Place a ridiculous bobblehead on your dash. It’s really hard to take life too seriously when Iggy Pop, Dwight Shrute, or Regan from The Exorcist is nodding in your direction.

Don’t make eye contact with the person who aggrieved you (you can roll your eyes, though). If he or she is being a jerk, it will only anger you further. You didn’t have time for that bad driving, but you really don’t have time for an altercation on La Brea.

“Siri, play me an Enya song, now. Any Enya song.”

Stash some lavender oil in your glove compartment. A few whiffs could help alleviate that aggression and, at $9 (at GNC), it’s a lot cheaper than getting your butt hauled to jail for assault or reckless driving.

If you have the time, pull off the road and get yourself a treat (ice cream, frappucino, candy bar). There’s bound to be a Starbucks, 7/11, or gas station nearby—this is Los Angeles.

• Start singing a ridiculous song immediately. Suggestions: “All About the Bass,” “Shoop,” or “Thrift Shop.”

Don’t respond to bad behavior. Try to remind yourself that you will likely forget about being cut-off or flipped-off in about 45 minutes, so let’s just hasten the memory lapse and focus on something else. Donald Trump, perhaps?

Throw on KUSC, 91.5. Mozart and Brahms will make it all better.

  This is old-school, but it works: count backwards. Concentrate on that, not on that basic youknowwhat texting and driving.

Were you hit or run off the road? No, then thank your lucky stars and proceed to your destination.