Weber Cooks: College Education Gone Horribly, Horribly Wrong

Kids, this is how NOT to cook

[UPDATE: The videos have been removed (fortunately? unfortunately?) from YouTube. Per the uploader: “It may come as a surprise that I have removed the Weber Cooks videos. I apologize for any inconvenience — in light of recent information about the show and its host I have decided to take the videos down. Please do not contact me about the Weber Cooks videos.”][UPDATE: Another user has uploaded the videos.]

College was made for regrets. You experimented with drugs, or woke up next to someone whose name you don’t remember. Maybe you got caught plagiarizing, or defaced a statue of the crosstown rival’s mascot. So what? It’s all part of the learning experience… life’s rich pageant or something. But college students of the world—past, present, or future—there are some things you just NEVER want to do, like follow any of Steven Reed’s “recipes,” broadcast through Weber State News at Utah’s Weber State University.

As a follower of Wil Wheaton’s law (“don’t be a dick”), I try to refrain from unfairly ripping into folks, but it’s “cooking” ideas like these that will ultimately lead to the demise of civilization as we know it. It calls to mind the great Anthony Bourdain quote, which describes watching a Rachael Ray cooking segment:

“Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheetos-littered couch you watch her and think, ‘Hell… I could do that. I ain’t gonna… but I could—if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?’ Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better—teach us—and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and EVOO and Sammys. ‘You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion—you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing… just sit there. Have another Triscuit… sleep… sleep…’”

The grossness of the microwaved chili “cheese” nachos aside, I’m sure Mr. Reed is a swell guy. (Any one who opens a bag of tortilla chips like Hulk Hogan ripping open his shirt is a champ in my book.) And I feel bad posting this, because I don’t want it to be construed as an attack against him. [UPDATE: He’s apparently a registered sex offender? What?] But the university should be ashamed for promoting these recipes as nutritive fuel for their students.

Once you’ve watched the chili cheese nacho “preparation” above, here are a few more gems that you should watch… to learn what NOT to do in your kitchen.

On Rice-A-Roni:

On creamed corn and potatoes:

[h/t Gawker, via my friend Gregory Bonsignore]