Photograph courtesy Bravo
In honor of the 10th season of Bravo’s beloved cooking competition show—and the continual stream of L.A. restaurants spawned by its contestants—we shall, every week, outline the 10 (get it?) things we learned from watching each episode. Last night’s episode of Top Chef Seattle taught us plenty. Here, our top 10 learnable moments:
1. C.J. is huge
We almost forgot how tall our hometown boy is. The Space Needle was all, “Hey, back off dude!”
2. The Broncos Rule
At least according to Tyler, who cheers, “Go Broncos!” while talking about his experience at Elway’s Steak House in Denver. We’re pretty sure that you could cut that in at any point this season and it will always be funny.
3. Oh yeah, and John Elway has a steak house
4. We sorta feel bad for geoduck
Just once, couldn’t this unassuming clam be highlighted for something beyond its phallic appearance? Wait—what’s that? [Pauses; raises finger to ear.] Sorry, we’ve just learned that it can’t. Moving on.
5. Stefan is unaware that brown-nosing is a custom in America
Oh really, Stefan? Everyone who comes up to you says that you should have won your season? You don’t say!
6. Padma = our 7th grade teacher
Her peeved, “Can we listen up please!” reprimand of Kuniko and John—who discuss strategy while Padma is still explaining the challenge—brought us right back to Mrs. Lopresti’s home room. And no, we will not share what’s so funny with the rest of the class.
7. Stefan is a boob man
How many years do you have to be cooking professionally before talking about poultry breasts stops being funny. [Finger goes back up to ear.] Oh, never? Really? …Apparently the correct answer is never.
8. If they spotlight your home life, you’re probably going home
We figured out this Top Chef formula a while back, but they keep reaffirming it. Engagement photos? Oh yeah, you’re outta here.
9. John Hearts Kuniko
Could this guy possibly want to work with our local frontrunner any harder? We think not. (The judges don’t think she’s chopped liver, either.) Go Kuniko!
Do we need to say more? No. She already said it all.
Till next week!