In honor of the 13th season of Bravo’s beloved cooking competition show running up and down the California coast, we shall, every week, outline the 10 (get it?) things we learned from watching each episode. Last night’s episode of Top Chef taught us plenty. Here, our top 10 learnable moments:
10. Phillip Frankland Lee is very excited about Oxnard
“Oh man, we’re driving by Oxnard, this is where all of our strawberries come from!” he explains excitedly. No one gets excited about Oxnard. Oxnard doesn’t get excited about Oxnard.
9. Jon Shook is addicted to texting
While the judges deliberated, Jon was super casually trying not to get caught playing on his phone underneath the table. This is a major premium cable network dude—cameras are everywhere.
8. You can’t saber a non-sparkling bottle of wine
That’s just science, Isaac. C’mon now.
7. Palm Springs is >>> Santa Barbara
Why was everyone cheering when they found out they were leaving Santa Barbara for Palm Springs? Do they know what Palm Springs is? We were waiting for someone from California to start violently booing. Where were you on that one Amar, Chad, Phillip, and Giselle?
6. Grayson is this year’s villain stuck in the ebb and flow of redemption and disappointment
The season 13 version of Josie Malave.
5. Hidden Valley Ranch has a huge advertising budget
The branded content drinking game! Take a shot every time Tom Colicchio says, “brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch” during Last Chance Kitchen. But don’t actually do that, because you’ll die.
4. Uni, undercooked potatoes, and onions tastes as bad as it sounds
In case you were wondering why it never showed up on Petrossian’s tasting menu
3. Dana Cowin is a hard ass
Damn Dana! You were cold blooded during the quick fire. We expected this from Padma, but not you.
2. “Santa Barbara is home to a wildly eclectic collection of proteins”
We all know uni and spot prawns, but have you heard of the Santa Barbara mountain lamb? Or the famed blue footed pigeon hens of Montecito? Didn’t think so.
1. Phillip often finds things on the ground
In the preview for episode 4, Phillip finds rocks on the ground, gets artistically inspired, and uses them as plates. Similarly, he uses grass that he finds at a park for smoking fodder in episode 1. Screw waiting for a foraging challenge, for PFL, life IS a foraging challenge.