It’s happened. The Keurigs have taken over. They already dispense tortillas, soup, liquor, cold-pressed juice, and green sticky dankness, but the rolling boulder of worldwide Keurigifcation will not stop there. The script of single-serving manifest destiny has already been written.
In the future, all of life’s necessities will come from a Keurig: affection, kinship, wisdom, truth, pleasure, pain—forever dripping from tiny pods lodged in bluetooth-enabled gadgets. Pre-Keurig life will be erased form history. A man screams, “We used to brew whole pots of coffee! 12 cups with the push of a single button!” as he’s dragged away by the K-Thought Police. There will be no love, except for the love of Keurig.
Wait what? Sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of Black Mirror. Oh yeah, there’s a Keurig for cookies now.
It’s called ChiP Smart Cookie Oven, and it… makes cookies, but smartly. You take the little cookie dough Keurig pods out of a tube, and then you dump out the cookie dough into the smart cookie oven, and then it makes you cookies in less than 10 minutes. Someone probably told the team at CHiP that toaster ovens and pre-made cookie dough tubes already exist, so they shoehorned a social media component into their futuristic albeit ultimately useless single-purpose appliance. After you bake cookies, you can take a video of yourself eating the cookies, and send it to another person. Or something. I don’t really know. The future is confusing.
The good news is, CHiP will retail for the low, low price of $249 when it finally goes to market. What’s a sturdy toaster oven go for these days? $700? $800? You can’t afford not to get one. Watch the Kickstarter video and throw your money at it if you feel so inclined.