After a tragically lame Starbucks press kit made up of a cardboard to-go carrier and four empty plastic cups with paper in them (budget cuts are hard), I decided to swing by the ’bucks on my way home from El Huarachito (mmmm, enchiladas) to try their BRAND NEW BEVERAGE: THE SORBETTO!!!!!!!!!!
(exclamation points facetious)
The Sorbetto is the new, “exclusive to the Southland” freezie beverage that’s been marketed as “pinkberry®-inspired.” Somehow, the trademark symbol slipped by unnoticed the first time I read that. It’s more than just inspired by the yogurt behemoth—it pretty much IS pinkberry. They even have the company’s swirly logo next to each new drink on the menu board.
(sigh) …like a hole in the head.
The funny thing is, they were first marketed as being Italian-inspired. (No trademark there). I sorta pictured something like an Italian ice mixed with gelato; something I would sip on a warm summer evening stroll through the streets of Florence. Refreshing, subtle, sophisticated. Turns out it’s a lot closer to what I would sip on a long road trip through San Bernadino after a quick 7-11 pit stop. Side of Slim Jim anyone?
Here’s the gist: there are four beverages, which are really just made up of two different things either mixed together or on their own.
1. Citrus Ice Sorbetto: This is an icy pink concoction that falls on the taste spectrum somewhere between Hi-C, a Slurpee, and children’s Tylenol. If you ask me, undrinkable.
2. Tangy Sorbetto: This is basically a sippable form of pinkberry’s plain yogurt. This is the base for the next two drinks.
3. The Tangy Citrus Ice Sorbetto: A mix of #1 and #2
4. The Tangy Tropical Ice Sorbetto: This is #2 mixed with a sort of mango puree.
The only one that I would order again is the Tangy Tropical Sorbetto. The yogurt cuts the phlegm-inducing sweetness of the plain fruit concoction, making for something not unlike the last few melty bites of your regular pinkberry yogurt topped with mango chunks.
Of course, a coworker—whose beverages of choice usually come in some iridescent shade of blue or green—loved each and every one of them. So I think there’s a market out there. It’s just not the one that’s been to Florence.