Shock and Awe Churros Are the Greatest Culinary Innovation of Our Time

How far is the fusion food game willing to go?
200

Human creativity is limitless. We took ramen noodles, par-cooked them and wrapped them in plastic, then took the convenient analog of a dish steeped in history and turned it into a burger bun. Ditto for mac and cheese, maybe minus the “steeped in history” part.

We took two perfectly good pastries and mashed them together to form a whole greater than the sum of its parts. Then we did it again, and again, and will likely do it in perpetuity, or until the crodomufouign-amann (copyright pending) destroys us all.

There’s a new gear in the edible mash-up machine that’s being treated with a never-before-seen level of ambition. Churros are to stunt food creators right now as goat cheese and red pepper coulis were to Cal-Med restaurants in the early 2000s. It’s an exciting time to be alive. Let’s get weird:


The Naughty Churro


Looking through The Naughty Churro’s Instagram is like catching your parents smoking weed when you’re a teen: Every rule or limitation anyone has ever set—or ever will set—becomes null and void.

“Be home by midnight? Really, dad? Was your BONG home by midnight?”

“Don’t put Twinkies on my pizza? I just saw a rainbow fried chicken churro sandwich soaked in butter and dusted in Fruity Pebbles. Nothing matters anymore.”

The roving churro pop-up, which mainly operates from the 626 Night Market, makes (what is now considered standard) churro ice cream sandwiches.

The Naughty Churro also make variations on the churro ice cream sandwich, like the Tea Bag which gets rolled in matcha sugar.

There’s the rainbow churro cotton candy ice cream sandwich which falls right in line with our newfound love of brightly colored stuff and also foods with many words in their name.

Sometimes the churro ice cream sandwiches are sprinkled with Fruity Pebbles, which also falls in line with our newfound love of brightly colored stuff, especially if that brightly colored stuff is also nostalgic.

It starts to get weird, sometime right about here: There’s a chocolate churro with a paper face on it to look like the poop emoji. It, indeed, looks like a mound of freshly swirled poo.

There are also savory options. Fried chicken gets rolled in maple butter and slapped in between two cinnamon sugar churros to create the “Winner Winner” fried chicken churro sandwich dinner monstrosity that’s so crazy it just might work.

“This is a giant churro bun stuffed with pepperoni, pizza sauce and mozzarella then rolled in a garlic, herb, Parmesan blend. This thing taste so amazing,” per @thenaughtychurro on Instagram. THERE ARE NO RULES I’M GOING IN THE POOL IMMEDIATELY AFTER I EAT.

Nitrolado

This nitrogen-frozen ice cream shop opened in Garden Grove earlier this year. They were recently featured on BuzzFeed for serving their nitrogen-frozen ice cream in bowls made of churros. Two million people (as of publishing date) have watched the video.

They have matcha flavored churro ice cream bowls…

…and Oreo flavored churro ice cream bowls…

….and red velvet flavored churro ice cream bowls and they all house ice cream flavors like Thai iced tea and durian avocado and Fruity Pebbles rain without abandon because remember that one time when you were a kid?

The Loop Handcrafted Churros

“The Loop” refers to the shape of the churros themselves, which are served as giant arches in a paper cone or jammed into a cup of ice cream. Or it refers to the fact that time is a flat circle, and how everything we have done or will do we will do over and over and over again forever.

The Loop also serves a “Pikachurro” [a portmanteau of churro and Pikachu, a beloved Pokemon (portmanteau of pocket and monster)]. It is a churro made to look like Pikachu. It is available in limited quantities.

The Loop will dip your churros in green tea glaze which acts as an adhesive for Fruity Pebbles. If Sprinkles ushered in the era of Red Velvet and Salted Caramel, places like The Loop are ushering in the era of Matcha and Fruity Pebbles. Welcome to the Wild Wild West, brought to you by Post.

Ridges Churro Bar

There are many Fruity Pebbles here.

So, so, so, so many.

Ninety-percent of the world’s Fruity Pebble consumption now comes by way of churros.

Like the entire Fruity Pebble market is artificially propped up by churro places.

Buy all the Fruity Pebble stock you can afford then take out a loan to buy more.

Facebook Comments