This Twitter Account Is the Last Thing Pure and Good on the Internet

Ernie Keebler isn’t the hero we want, he’s the hero we need right now
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As long as Twitter has existed, brands have been using it terribly. Remember that time Applebee’s exploited the tragedy of a generation to make sure you #NeverForget their Quesadilla Burger with Mexi-ranch sauce? Or when Chipotle spewed some bizarre nonsense about touching “another man’s burrito without consent,” as if using faux commentaries on rape culture to stop burrito bowl sales from plummeting isn’t a totally insane business strategy? The internet remembers, and that’s all that matters.

But there’s a new corporate Twitter account that is so endearing and self-aware that it makes up for all the genuinely horrifying antics of those that came before it. Meet Ernie: He’s one of the Keebler elves, and he’s decided to finally take a break from his hermetic life of baking shelf-stable snack cookies in a tree to learn how to use social media. And he just can’t quite get things right.

Ernie doesn’t understand basic tenets of Twitter.

Ernie takes out-of-focus selfies.

Ernie just wants to share this cookie with you. He wants to do it so badly but he can’t figure out how because the blinding pace of technology has left him a straggler in this brave new world.

Ernie doesn’t know your vulgar acronyms because he is too pure and good for the internet and all he wants to do is make snack cookies at an accessible price point that bring light to an otherwise dark and unfeeling world and you people are all monsters for corrupting him.

Ernie doesn’t know about #GamerGate or #AllLivesMatter. He doesn’t know the dark side of Twitter. He just knows that this cookie-loving fictional creature is his friend. We should all be more like Ernie. 

Literally everything about Ernie is brilliant, even down his bio. “Was so busy baking uncommonly good cookies and crackers that I just found out about the Twitter,” Ernie says, mad endearingly. “Now I’m working hard to get up to date. Hashtag excited!” You guys, he spelled out hashtag! That’s not how you do it, Ernie, you sweet, ageless and morally pristine snack food mascot!

This is how you position yourself as a brand on social media—you humble yourself before the tyranny of youth and say, “Hey, we don’t get this, let’s all share a laugh about our obvious corporate shortcomings.” That’s the reason Ernie comes off as your well-meaning grandfather who still signs his Facebook comments “Love, Grandpa,” and Chipotle is just your creepy uncle who makes obvious sexual advances towards your friends at Thanksgiving. Brands can learn something from Ernie.

(Oh hey! Bonus Chipotle tweet about dicks.)