“I could get a double-double. Who knows what could happen!” Brie Larson said that about three hours before she gave her Best Actress acceptance speech. I didn’t watch her say it because I was already in an Uber en route to the In-N-Out on Sunset, about a quarter mile away from where the Academy Awards were being held at the Dolby Theatre.
The plan was simple: Grab a burger (chopped chilies, whole grilled), pop a squat at a table, then wait for five hours as In-N-Out-obsessed stars poured in to get their post-Oscars Animal Style fix. Katy Perry smuggled In-N-Out into the Golden Globes, Adele went there after the Grammys, and now Brie-freaking-Larson name drops them before the Oscars? It was totally fool-proof—until everything got derailed by Vanity Fair. Damn you, VF, damn you and your unrivaled afterparty elegance.
Brie Larson would get her well deserved burger after all, but that’s because In-N-Out catered Vanity Fair‘s swanky Beverly Hills soirée. So there I was, nibbling on a single order of cold fries for five hours trying to sneak pictures of anyone that walked through the door in a gown or tux while all the real celebrities were noshing on In-N-Out six miles away from my overt creepiness. Worst Oscars Sunday ever.
I didn’t catch snapshots of any A-listers—or B, or C, or D for that matter—but I’ll be damned if I waste a good half-day In-N-Out stakeout. These are pictures of all the celebrities that I didn’t see.
If Eva Longoria was ever at In-N-Out while definitely not being Eva Longoria, this is what she might look like.
Is this a celebrity? Tried a reverse google image search and nothing came up. Need to know quickly. pic.twitter.com/cCqu6tcVM6
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) March 1, 2016
There is a zero-percent shot that this is Michael Keaton. But it’s fun to dream.
I don’t have many for sure sightings but I’m rolling in maybes. Check out maybe Michael Keaton pic.twitter.com/MZZfLj6fNY
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
Look at how well not-Alejandro Iñárritu wears this tuxedo. Just stunning.
Easily the most promising Iñárritu I’ve had all day pic.twitter.com/jFwFrnep2a
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
This guy could be anyone, really. That means he could even be Lord of the Rings trilogy director Peter Jackson.
This is my second most promising Iñárritu so its not really that close pic.twitter.com/bADU2JUYRX
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
Even though this man is in a tuxedo, he is not Quentin Tarantino.
Quentin Tarantino sighting! pic.twitter.com/0xahzPgeeA
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
For a solid twenty minutes, we were convinced this was Andrew Garfield (as of publishing time, this has neither been confirmed nor denied).
This man is too handsome to not be famous. If anyone has an ID, please let me know pic.twitter.com/huz2rWfHC6
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
Though this may not be Vin Diesel, he did order his fries well-done. Vin Diesel might also do that.
Ok like I know it isn’t Vin Diesel, but I’m not sure who it is. pic.twitter.com/ztkUebP5P2
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
Do you know what composer John Williams looks like? Neither do we. This could be him, standing next to a dead ringer for someone maybe related to Miles Teller.
The rush of people in suits has slowed. All I’m left with is this dude, whoever he may be pic.twitter.com/yy8PUnmkKe
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016
And it was all worth it when the real-life Leonardo DiCaprio sat down. Congrats on the big win, buddy. You earned it.
What the literal F you guys #Leo #DeCaprio just sat down at In-N-Out pic.twitter.com/9rt5nlrHOS
— Josh Scherer (@CulinaryBroDown) February 29, 2016