Zuckerberg to Squeeze Out Meta Workers by Being More Insufferable

“Realistically, there are probably a bunch of people at the company who shouldn’t be here,” Zuckerberg said at an employee Q&A
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“Managing out” is the term used when a very awful, petty manager makes employees’ lives, work, or goals so tedious, insulting, and outrageous that they finally just quit. And that’s the kind of management that Mark Zuckerberg, the pixel-eyed god-king of Facebook parent corp. Meta, openly boasts he is planning to inflict on his worker drones because the markets are down, Facebook stocks are dropping, and a recession looms.

“I’d say that this might be one of the worst downturns that we’ve seen in recent history,” the Zuck said during a Thursday Q&A session with employees, Reuters reports.

And downturns bring layoffs. But Zuckerberg wouldn’t stoop to such messy human lows as papering his sad meta-verse with pink slips.

“Realistically, there are probably a bunch of people at the company who shouldn’t be here,” Zuckerberg said. So will he plan layoffs, or just torture people with evermore outlandish goals until they collapse?

“Part of my hope by raising expectations and having more aggressive goals, and just kind of turning up the heat a little bit, is that I think some of you might decide that this place isn’t for you, and that self-selection is OK with me,” Zuckerberg said to his employees, who, despite sharing an atomic carbon base similar to that of silicon, are made of flesh.

The waxen tech darwinian also told employees in the same meeting that it behooves him to cut hiring for engineers by at least 30 percent this year, according to Reuters.

The company is preparing to operate in a slower-growing environment throughout the end of the year, according to an internal memo seen by the news agency on Thursday.

Meta must “prioritize more ruthlessly” and “operate leaner, meaner, better executing teams,” sentient, semi-autonomous Chief Product Officer Chris Cox wrote in the notice, which appeared on the company’s internal discussion forum Workplace before the Q&A.

“I have to underscore that we are in serious times here and the headwinds are fierce. We need to execute flawlessly in an environment of slower growth, where teams should not expect vast influxes of new engineers and budgets,” Cox added.

Last month, in a surprise resignation, longtime COO Sheryl Sandberg left the company.

In May, Meta called for a hiring freeze, as growth (at 7 percent in the first quarter) was the slowest it has been since the company went public.


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