Stop Torturing Us with Fifty Shades of Grey

The movie isn’t even out and our inbox is already teeming with related pitches. Can we get a safe word?

We’re used to seeing promotional materials, but the promiscuous use of the film Fifty Shades of Grey as a branding tactic is borderline harassment. As the movie hits theaters this weekend, it’s time to speak up. Some Fifty Shades pitches are harmlessly silly. Others are downright NSFW. Either way, we don’t consent.

theessentials_masa_tThe Fifty Shades of Grey Fleece Apparel Line
The pitch:
“Whether you’re intrigued by the romance, sex or excitement of 50 Shades of Grey, you’ll want to wrap yourself up in Plush’s fleece-lined apparel and accessories in preparation of those steamy scenes…”

theessentials_masa_tThe Fifty Shades of Grey Truffles
The pitch:
“As Valentine’s Day approaches we’re excited to play Cupid and share a few deliciously decadent treats that we thought might be a fit for any product roundups you might have in the works. We particularly thought Kollar Chocolate’s 50 Shades of Grey truffles might be of interest for the ladies, while their Love Chest (it’s not what you thing [sic], see below for a photo) is a playful gift for gents.”

theessentials_masa_tThe Fifty Shades of Grey Dungeon Sexpert
The pitch:
“As men get dragged into 50 Shades of Grey by their overanxious ladies, they may be thinking, “Is this really what she wants me to do!?” Gentlemen, the answer is no; you don’t need to bring dungeons into your home to ignite sparks in your relationship! Dr. Emily Morse, top sexologist and relationship expert, guest co-host of Loveline and host of the top downloaded podcast Sex with Emily, can provide simple tools men can use to enhance their relationship—Christian Grey style.”

theessentials_masa_tThe Fifty Shades of Grey House Paint
The pitch:
“What are “The Best 50 Shades of Gray for a Home Exterior?” See the attached infographic and you’ll find out!”