Stuff in the Oscars Swag Bag That Will Make You Not Care That You Weren’t Nominated

I starred in a Hollywood blockbuster and all I got was this Mister Poop Plunger

About this time every year, the internet floods with posts about the outrageous “Everyone Wins” swag bags gifted to the current crop of Oscar nominees. This is not that post. Sure, we’d be remiss if we failed to acknowledge the artist-crafted stained glass portrait or the small-ship excursion to the Galapagos. But, there’s a bunch of cheap and perplexing stuff in the bags too, items that don’t quite reach the private-beachfront-villa-in-Greece level. Here’s a few of our favorite “cool…thanks” gifts.

Knotty Floss dental floss

This isn’t your average Oral-B strings. Actually it basically is, except it’s registered vegan and costs $14.95 a pack.

Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies

Wow, I bet Bradley Cooper’s never had one of those.

Soul Shropshire Candle

According to the press release: “A Soul Candle is a lifestyle choice.”

Mister Poop Plunger

It’s a plunger. But, a plunger designed to look like the poop emoji (sort of?), but something about its wide smile, bulging eyes, and raised eyebrows is very frightening. And who doesn’t need an excuse to think of their favorite actor’s clogged toilet.

Happiest in Los Angeles T-Shirt

Or, if L.A. doesn’t put a smile on your face, they have four other options—NYC, London, Paris, and Australia. Because maybe the nominees won’t have time to stop at the airport souvenir store next time they go out of town.

Optimum Nutrition Bar
Who doesn’t want a high-protein, great tasting snack? Granted, everyone is probably starving and could use this more than a trip to an island inhabited by tortoises.

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