The Case for Keanu Being Named Time’s Person of the Year

If you even needed someone to make a case, that is

A petition to make Keanu Reeves Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2019 has garnered nearly 40,000 signatures in the last week, and, frankly, it’s not the worst idea the internet has had. In recent years, such nebulous persons as “the Guardians” have won the honor, not to mention Angela Merkel and Donald Trump. But we need a hero now more than ever, and here are a few reasons why Keanu is that person.

>>While most Hollywood leading men get maybe one or two iconic roles, unassuming, soft-spoken Keanu has been everywhere forever. He’s Ted Theodore Logan in the Bill & Ted franchise, Johnny Utah in Point Break, Neo in The Matrix trilogy, John freaking Wick…and he’s also uncredited as Ortiz the Dog Boy in Bill & Ted co-star Alex Winter’s 1993 epic Freaked.

>>He’s the boyfriend of the internet, a wholesome guy who’s so respectful in the age of #MeToo that he doesn’t even touch female fans when posing for photos.

>>The “Sad Keanu” meme is immortal.

>>Reeves is also a man of the people. When a plane flying from San Francisco to Burbank was diverted to Bakersfield in March, the actor organized a shuttle van, filed onboard with the rest of the normals, and read them fun facts about Bakersfield from his iPhone.

>>Back when Octavia Spencer first moved to L.A. from Alabama, her car broke down in Hollywood, and no one would help her except, you guessed it, Keanu Reeves. On a motorcycle.

>>He’s been accidentally married to Winona Ryder for 27 years, ever since a Romanian priest performed a legit wedding ceremony for them while filming Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Winona still calls him “husband” in texts, and Keanu’s cool with that, of course.

>>And let’s talk about John Wick. Keanu did 90 percent of his own stunts in the blockbuster series, the third installation recently got four stars on, and a tally reveals that Wick has so far killed more people than Jason Vorhees and Michael Meyers combined.

>>Finally, despite his movies earning from $2.1 billion to $4.49 billion depending on who you ask, he’s still totally stoked to work his most excellent old friends.

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