A Dating Coach Explains How to Make Looking for Love Suck a Little Bit Less

Hate the player and the game? Evin Rose can help you find love in a hopeless place

It’s a lament we’ve all heard (and probably uttered) before: Dating in L.A. is the worst. If our prospects aren’t flaky, they’re superficial; if they’re not posing with a tiger in their Tinder profile, they’re morally opposed to traveling more than three miles for a date. But take heart. There is some sort of method to the madness, at least according to L.A. dating and love-life coach Evin Rose.

Before diving back into your pool of potential paramours, utilize her cheat sheet for how to make the whole process suck just a little bit less.

Keep it light.

“If dating feels like a job search, we’ve got a problem. Dating is ‘just for fun’ when we’re looking for something casual, but when we’re looking for a partner, suddenly it’s this serious task. We end up trying to figure out from date one if this could be our forever person. We need to shift back to that low-stakes place and say, ‘It’s just a chance to connect with another human being.’ ”

Pregame for your date—but not with alcohol.

“Create a pre-date routine where you prep yourself in a way that’s uplifting, especially if you’re going into a date right from work. Play some music, take your time getting ready, have fun with it, so that you can show up on your dates with that playful energy. The more we can create fun dating lives, the more effortlessly we can connect with people who may end up being long-term partner potential.” 

Now is not the time to fake it till you make it.

“Let yourself be a multidimensional person both online and off-line. Trust that the more you show up as you, the quicker you’ll weed through the people who aren’t a great fit and connect with the person whose weird complements yours. Instead of trying to be a chameleon, try being unapologetically you.”

Own up to past dating mistakes.

“You are the common denominator in each of your dating experiences. Rather than seeing that as self-blame, it’s empowering to realize we are in control—not L.A., not the apps, not the people around us. When we become aware of our own patterns and take responsibility for breaking them, then we open up a whole new world of possibilities.” 

Apps aren’t your only hope.

“Dating apps should be a supplement to meeting people organically. About 50 percent of the adult population is single, which means that there are single people all around you. Take the pressure off of feeling like, ‘If I go up and talk to someone, I’m hitting on them,’ and focus on creating micromoments of connection. You’ll notice that it’s not as hard to meet people as we say it is.”

The thrill of the chase is overrated.

“Healthy love shouldn’t feel like a roller coaster. We see passionate-but-toxic relationships on TV and in films—Mr. Big and Carrie, Edward and Bella—because they make for sexier stories than safe relationships, so we think that love should feel obsessive. When it’s not, we worry that we’re settling. If you’re looking for a lasting partnership, learn to value emotional safety over that torturous but compelling cycle.”

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