When we learned that Coachella was partnering Amazon to allow festival-goers to have stuff delivered to Amazon Lockers on the festival grounds, we did what anyone would do: We tried to order contraband. Not like drug paraphernalia or weapons, but a grab bag of banned items like a flashlight, a kite, and a selfie stick. (Or maybe a “massager,” since those aren’t allowed, apparently just to make doing molly a little less fun.)
Alas, revelers can only have items delivered to the grounds if the items were selected from a pre-approved Amazon shopping list that features necessities like Advil, sunscreen, bug spray, and earplugs. But there’s also some really random shit available for delivery too. If, god forbid, you set off to the desert without packing the 36 scrunchies you need to get through a weekend, Jeff Bezos has you covered. Here are some things we hope you’ll consider ordering.
Bulk health and beauty items
It’s absolutely a waste of resources to have, like, a single tube of toothpaste hand delivered to you in the desert, and luckily Amazon doesn’t play that. If you need one tube of charcoal-activated toothpaste, sorry, but you’re getting four. Or five 100-yard packs of dental floss. Our a pack of eight bamboo toothbrushes. Everyone will be extremely impressed by your dedication to oral hygiene. I’ve also heard that toting around a box of 120 Band-Aids is a great way to meet people who are bleeding.
“Why tho?” accessories
Yes, Coachella is a massive fashion show, but this sterling silver necklace with three “dainty real freshwater pearls,” a. Does not seem like an emergency item, and b. looks like it should be paired with grandma’s crocheted cardigan instead of whatever ’90s-alterna-teen costumes people will be wearing this year. (Same with the VERY TASTEFUL cross-body Kate Spade purse. And this EVEN MORE TASTEFUL Michael Kors cross-body bag.) These tassel earrings are tacky fun, but you’ll need a lot of holes to accommodate all 11 pairs.
So many games
I’m gonna be real here: I’ve never been to Coachella, but it had never been my impression that playing board games was a big part of the festival experience. Are there lots of tables at Coachella? Can you request that the bands pipe down if you’re in the midst of an intense game of Settlers of Catan? Well, you can have it delivered either way, along with Operation, Jenga, Scrabble, Cards Against Humanity, a Monopoly card game, and Guess Who? (Note: If I ever did go to Coachella, I’d probably be the woman hiding somewhere and playing board games.)
Music festivals are fun for all ages, including people over 50 who forgot to pack a multivitamin.
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