Every Word and Phrase On The Internet That Should Be Banished Back to Hell

An arbitrary list that’s also 100 percent objectively correct
984

Words have the power to create a special space for the reader to feel as though a hand has reached out and grabbed theirs as if to say: I wrote this thing for you. And in that moment, you feel slightly less alone in this utter monstrosity of a world. After that, you probably look at some pile-up of papers, text your friend one of those stupid (wonderful?) gifs on the new IOS update, and never think about that hand reaching out moment ever again. But still.

Many words, especially words we read on the internet, are sort of husks of ideas. These husks rely on the accepted feeling or meaning associated with those ideas to do all the work. But that work is called work for a reason. Writing is hard. So when I exclaim that something gave me “all the feels” I’m actually removing any shred of feeling I may have had about that thing and am passing that meaninglessness along to you to ALSO feel nothing about that thing that I clearly had lots of feelings about. So can we all agree, like maybe as some internet coalition pact, to remove these word-crutches from our lives?

Here they are, numbered, because lists on the internet without numbers make you feel like you’re in a car without a seatbelt. But they are not numbered with a ranking in mind, because each of them is just as crushing as the next.

  1. All the cupcakes (or whatever word). Variant: All of the cupcakes.
  2. Nom (all variants)
  3. This
  4. Cray/Cray cray
  5. Won the internet
  6. Get in my belly
  7. Any variant of “feels”
  8. I want to go to there
  9. Blergh
  10. What the what (love you, Tina, but enough)
  11. Adulting
  12. Vibes
  13. Awesome sauce
  14. Um (to start a sentence)
  15. So, that happened
  16. Go forth
  17. Without further ado
  18. At the end of the day
  19. Nigh (all variants)
  20. Uber (unless it’s actually the car company)
  21. Mind-blowing (overused in life)
  22. All on the same page
  23. Amazing (sparingly)
  24. Bespoke (comedy purposes only)
  25. Remarkable (lazy)
  26. Noteworthy
  27. Burgeoning (try hard)
  28. Artisan (mostly made up)
  29. Historic (unless it is, but be rullll damn sure)
  30. Plethora (college fake smart word)
  31. Give zero fucks (all variants)
  32. Said no one ever
  33. Chances are (because chances are if you used this phrase, the whole sentence reads twee and distancing)
  34. Douchey
  35. Kick ass
  36. Ass hat
  37. Interwebs (If you can think of a truly funny way to rearrange “internet” that isn’t tired and unfunny, try it. But this isn’t it.)
  38. Winning
  39. Epic
  40. Epic fail
  41. Just sayin’
  42. Tour de force
  43. Unflinching
  44. Just wow
  45. Wax BLANK (waxing anything is a boring way to say everything)

PS: If you find these words and phrases in anything we ever write, please call us out. Embarrass us. And make us really feel it.


Audie Metcalf Ruyle is the Head of Digital Strategy for Los Angeles and LAmag.com. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram. She also wrote: All The Soul-Sucking Corporate Phrases Everyone Loathes, Interpreted.