Adam Levine’s nipples are…fine? Fairly pink and symmetrical but nothing to write home about. When the Maroon Five frontman tore his shirt off during a Super Bowl halftime performance, observers on Twitter were understandably more intrigued by the inanity of his tattoos (from the “rough streets of Brentwood”) than his areolas.
But according to the Hollywood Reporter, a few brave protesters weren’t pleased by the double standard of male titty on screen, 15 years post-Nipplegate. While the exposure of Janet Jackson’s nipple resulted in a $550,000 fine against CBS—and nearly ended the singer’s career—Levine’s bare torso led to 50 complaints filed with the FCC.
“I want him banned, just like they did Janet,” wrote one person from Boise, Idaho. Others begged the FCC to think of the children: “I witnessed the exposure of nipples during the halftime show of the super bowl,” yelled someone from Indianapolis, Indiana. “My children were watching. If I wanted them exposed to the trash I would let them go hog wild on pornhub. Adam Levine and the NFL need to be punished for such indecency.”
The best letter was sent by a person in Macedon, New York, who sounded like a biology teacher with a five-star score on Rate My Professor. “It is extremely distasteful for Adam Levine of Maroon 5 to display vestigial male nipples on live television where any child can see these evolutionary leftovers,” they wrote. “The fine should also be doubled as Levine displayed double the nipple.”
Railing against male anatomy is, of course, absurd—but so was the brouhaha over Jackson’s boob. These letter writers have realized something important: No nipple is truly free until they all are.