Totally Brad: Bradley Cooper and Bradley Terminal Go Head to Head

One is an international terminal with a bunch of new features. The other is an international movie star with a bunch of new features. Here’s how they stack up
Bradley Terminal Bradley Cooper
1984Year of birth 1975
$737 million for projectEstimated price tag$15 million per project
Planes taking off (on time)Most attractive qualityShirt taken off (on cue)
Tireless work ethicNotable QualityEndless optimism
Nation’s “Third-Busiest Airport”Claim to fame People’s 2011 “Sexiest Man Alive”
To replace aging terminal gatesReason for beingTo replace aging Brad Pitt
Will add more cops to the LAPDPipe DreamWill perform “urban acupuncture”