We Have Some Casting Suggestions for Michael Cohen: The Movie

Trump’s former fixer wouldn’t rule out selling the rights to his story

When Michael Cohen publicly testified before the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday, February 27—talk about some must-see TV—one of the questions he said a hard and fast “no” to, and we paraphrase, was: Can you testify right now that you will not consider writing a book or accepting a TV or movie deal based on your relationship with the President?

That means, hey, studios, publishers, and literary agents: It’s open season! And why not Michael Cohen: The Movie? Michael Cohen: The Miniseries? Hand it over the Ryan Murphy (The People v. O.J. Simpson) or Adam McKay (Vice) and let them do their thing. If Dick Cheney can sell tickets, why not Cohen? It’s all a political circus, after all—a reality TV star starring in a reality show about the White House.

So to all would-be profiteers of The Michael Cohen story, we’ve got your ideal casting right here. Of course, Christian Bale could easily slip into any one of these parts, despite age or size, so we’re not even going to bring him up.

Michael Cohen

michael cohen testimony

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Ben Stiller


Already played Cohen so credibly on SNL that we didn’t realize it was the beloved Something About Mary star. And they’re nearly the same age: Stiller is 53 an Cohen is 52. People apparently age better when they aren’t paying off porn stars for a political aspirant.

Bobby Cannavale


You can’t miss that resemblance—and he’s already got a New York accent.

Luke Wilson


He’s got that “aw shucks, I’m really a good guy, but a bit of an asshole” vibe.

Donald Trump

donald trump the movie

Alex Wong/Getty Images

Michael Douglas


Two years older than DJT, and if he could pull off Liberace—well, add a big gut and a big bravado and voila. Plus Trump really is an exaggerated version of Gordon Gekko.

Jeff Bridges


Sure, he’s a major liberal, but he’s played the frumpy smiling bad guy.

Jon Voight


If you think it takes a staunch Republican to play a stauncher Republican.

Melania Trump

melania trump movie cast

Oliver Contreras-Pool/Getty Images

Jennifer Connelly


Like the First Lady, rather opaque. Plus decent facial resemblance—self-tanner will be required.

Lena Headey


Really a brunette with almond eyes, she’s also good at being an ice cold queen—as we know. In the Game of Trump, you win or you die. Or you write a book.

Demi Moore


She’s got hauteur down and could sure pull off the Dolce and the heels.

Donald Trump Jr.

donald trump jr movie casting

Shannon Finney/Getty Images

Will Arnett


A real slick joker, and he looks like him. Easy to laugh at.

Bill Hader


He can mimic anyone and he’s convincing as a bad guy pretending to be decent.

Colin Hanks


Similar facial features, big white teeth, and hard to read.

Lanny Davis

Mark Wilson/Getty Images

Clint Eastwood


Age appropriate, with gravitas galore, but can an arch conservative play a Clinton buddy?

Harvey Keitel


Mysterious, sly, and he was also the clean-up man in Pulp Fiction.

Martin Sheen


Very convincing as an intelligent liberal, and he’s got the right hair.

Ivanka Trump

Alexandra Beier/Getty Images

Scarlett Johansson


Age appropriate, and she tore it up with her “Complicit” routine on SNL.

Amber Heard


She’s got the Stepford thing down.

Jared Kushner

Win McNamee/Getty Images

Jesse Eisenberg


Straighten the hair and turn on the resting bitch face that got him an Oscar nom playing Mark Zuckerberg.

Justin Timberlake


Good at smiling while he plays smarmy (again, see: The Social Network).

Roger Stone

John Slattery


Younger, but slap a beret and black glasses on him, and you can see it. We know he can supply the slick sarcasm. Roger Stone, Roger Sterling…

Dustin Hoffman


Good at grouchy and crusty and utterly annoyed.

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