LA Scanner’s Top 20 Funniest Tweets

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It’s been a long hot summer, and aside from the miracle of air conditioning, one of the only things keeping us sane is @LAScanner. After interviewing the king of the Los Angeles Twitter crime junkies, we pored over his feed and picked our 20 favorite Tweets. Of course, brilliance drips from his fingertips like morning dew off a blade of grass, so we recommend checking back on a daily basis for the latest in hilarity.

20. DOWNTOWN: Dude in the street @ 1st & Fremont waving pair of pants @ passing cars. Unknown if his primary or extra pair of pants. LAPD enrte. 9:31 pm, Aug. 16

19. GRIFFITH PARK: It’s dark & hiker is lost in the park. LAPD Airship gonna search w/ the big candle. Hope the lion doesn’t find the hiker 1st. 11:32 pm, Aug. 14

18. BEVERLY HILLS: Serious shit going down 400 blk S. Camden. 3 doorbell ring & runs in last 30 mins. Same house. BHPD to solve the caper. 11:23 pm, Aug. 14

17. MACARTHUR PARK *Update: Fools chose to run, a folly begun. But the chase is short-lived as their feet failed to give. A footbail to jail 9:08 pm, Aug. 20

16. HOLLYWOOD: Drive-by shooting = worse than looting, but if no 1 is hit then is it really legit? Ardmore & Romaine, shell casings remain. 8:59 pm, Aug. 20

15. HOLLYWOOD: LAPD going to Sunset & Highland for a dude covered in blood w/a machete. Sounds like a Monday night in August. Or total bullshit. 9:59 pm, Aug. 13

14. MDR: Dirty bird flashing his nest & pecker along the Ballona Creek bike path. LAPD enroute. #bikersshieldthineeyes 7:14 pm, Aug. 14

13. PRO TIP: If a dude can’t get stabbed on a random Tuesday nite in Hollywood and drip blood on Walk of Fame Stars, then LA has lost its charm. 11:00 pm, Aug. 14

12. HOLLYWOOD: Naked dude @ Lexington Ave. & Las Palmas. They say it may be drugs. I say it may be awesome. LAPD enrte. #avertyoureyesladies 10:07pm, Aug. 13

11. BEVERLY HILLS: George Michael learned the hard way in 1998 late nites @ Will Rogers Park are no-nos. 2 other dudes learning that tonite. 11:38 pm, Aug. 4

10. E. HOLLYWOOD: Dude w/ Israeli star t-shirt & brown cammo pants @ Edgemont & Melrose. No biggie. Except for his rifle & pistol. LAPD enrte. 10:10 pm, Aug. 5

9. BEVERLY HILLS: Hey Drama girl in the alley, 300 N. Crescent: Cry on that celly loud enough & neighbors call the cops. #takethosetearsinside 10:31 pm, July 18

8. BEVERLY HILLS: That nice girl over @ the Hilton? Yeah, she’s hooking. Hints: From Vegas. First name: Savannah. Arrested there last week. 11:35 pm, July 10

7. HOLLYWOOD: Dude in overalls, towel on head, w/ machete @ Runyon Cyn. Asked passerby if “any children are on the trail.” LAPD enrte. #pyscho 10:20 pm, July 16

6. WILSHIRE CTR: 2 dudes dueling w/ broken bottles on the balcony of an apt. 500 blk S. Catalina St. LAPD enrte. #bottlebros 12:20 am, July 13

5. BEVERLY HILLS: Lady won’t let her neighbor smoke a little grass in peace on his balcony. Keeps calling the cops. They come, leave, he tokes. 12:13 am, July 13

4. WEST LA: 2 cars racing near Santa Monica Bl. & Manning Ave. 1 = a jeep. 2 = Aston Martin. Player, please. This ain’t no race. LAPD looking. 12:28 am, July 9

3. DOWNTOWN: Just a dude out for a 1 AM stroll on Maple near 6th St. Carrying an Uzi. LAPD rolling his way. #nicechoice 12:59 am, July 7

2. ECHO PARK: Tranny wearing all pink threw loveseat over a fence near Sunset & Alvarado. This call makes no sense at all. LAPD enrte. 11:24 pm, July 8

1. N. HOLLYWOOD: Sucks to be robbed of your pocket knife by a grown man on a red BMX bike, wielding a hammer. Happened behind a liquor store. 12:13 am, Aug. 17