How to Block All the Shade Being Thrown on L.A.

Meet criticism—some fair, some not—with these comebacks

L.A. is dry. And crowded. And full of smog. With poor transportation. And a bad airport. So says the media of late. Los Angeles is far from perfect, and some of the issues laid out recently by its critics are ones we need to address to ensure a bright future. But that doesn’t mean Angelenos can’t brave the online pile-on with local pride. Herewith, a compendium of suggested comebacks for L.A.’s most recent reviews.

Story: Salon’s “The Incredible Shrinking Megacity: How Los Angeles Engineered a Housing Crisis”
Biggest burn: “L.A. is much, much closer to its residential capacity than the more compact and more populous NYC. Los Angeles has created a crisis of artificial scarcity; a burden for renters, a drain on economic growth, and an environmental disaster. The city has planned itself into a cage.”
One comeback: L.A.’s mostly low to the ground and spread out nice and wide. That’s our thing. It may not be practical, but open skylines (the better for taking in our gorgeous sunsets) are why people come here and never leave. Can’t say that about New York walk-ups.

Story: Curbed’s “Mapping the Cheapest and Most Expensive Places to Rent in Los Angeles Right Now”
Biggest burn: “Los Angeles is now just the ninth most expensive big city in the US for renting, but still the least affordable, so don’t get too excited.”
One comeback: Not great news, but give up on the juice trend and I guarantee you’ll have an extra $200 in monthly spending money.

Story: Grist’s “L.A. Just Called. It Says Go Find Another Dystopia.”
Biggest burn: “Los Angeles expects to add another 500,000 residents over the next 20 years, and it doesn’t even have enough water for the amount its current residents use.”
One comeback: Touché. But the city is working on it. We finally are actively going against our self-casting as a dystopian destination. (See: Predator 2, Resident Evil: Afterlife, Terminator, then Her)

Story: Jalopnik’s “Ten of the Most Garbage Airports in the World”
Biggest burn: “One of the busiest airports in the world, in one of the most chronically congested areas in the world, with an incredibly rude staff.”
One comeback: Dude, fly into Burbank.

Story: New York Times Magazine’s “Letter of Recommendation: the Thomas Guide to Los Angeles”
Biggest burn:“To leave the house without the Guide, even for a trip as unambitious as a run to a nearby supermarket, was to risk losing my coordinates entirely and landing in a labyrinth of cul-de-sacs where the only escape route was the Boulevard That Defies All Logic.”
One comeback: When you’re done reading the Thomas Guide, make sure to pick up Less Than Zero. It’s soooo a day in the life of a local. Also, our traffic inspired Waze. Welcome to L.A.!