Foam Finger Sports News Roundup: Kobe’s Down and Out—And So Are We

It hasn’t been a great week for local teams. The Clippers lost. The Lakers lost. The L.A. Kings lost. USC lost. Thank God for UCLA.

Corked Vino
The Lakers’ four-game winning streak snapped last night in a 96-92 road loss to the Atlanta Hawks. Though Kobe Bryant almost rallied a come-from-behind win, the Black Mamba missed a game-tying shot and severely sprained his left ankle on the final possession. The team has announced that Bryant will be out indefinitely. (ESPN)

Clippers Can’t Compete
The Clippers fell to another top-tier team last night, as the Memphis Grizzlies and Marc Gasol bulldozed L.A. at home 96-85. The Grizzlies join the likes of the Miami Heat, the Oklahoma City Thunder, and the San Antonio Spurs—unbeatable bad boys for CP3 and Co. (ESPNLA)

Cardinal and Cold
USC and its Cantu Spirit were foiled at the hands of the Utes in a 69-66 loss Wednesday night. The Trojans are eliminated from the Pac-12 men’s tournament and are looking at what might be an early close to another forgettable season. (Daily Breeze)

Bruins Bracing Themselves
Contrary to their cross-town rivals, UCLA is staying in Las Vegas—at least for a little bit—as the squad looks for a win tonight over Arizona State. Though the Bruins are the regular season Pac-12 leaders, the Sun Devils crushed UCLA 78-60 in January and only lost by four points in overtime last month. (Los Angeles Times)

Bye, Bye, Cooper
Lakers legend Michael Cooper ankled his post as USC’s women’s basketball coach after his first losing season in four years. The Women of Troy finished 11-20, 7-11. (AP)

Spring Cleaning
Baseball reporter Mark Saxon looks at some of the numbers the Dodgers are generating in their slow lead up to the season. What’s the meaning behind eight Matt Kemp strikeouts and zero Carl Crawford at-bats? Probably not too much. (ESPN)

High and Dry
The L.A. Kings came up short in Phoenix on Tuesday, falling to the Coyotes 5-2. The team is looking to fix their post-lockout stumbles in a road win tonight over the San Jose Sharks. (Los Angeles Times)

Pope Francis takes the Sweet Sistine
Sorry, bracket-fillers, but if you picked cardinals John Onaiyekan of Nigeria or Gianfranco Ravasi of Italy, you were close but no cigar. The Victorious Vicar is none other than Argentine Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who has taken the name Francis and is already putting in work. (Fox News)