Five Things L.A.’s Mailmen-Biting Dogs Could Learn From Their Humans

Sit, stay, and meditate the anger away

Los Angeles is a city of dog lovers. It’s where pet euthanasia rates are down, adoption rates are up, and homes are remodeled to please picky pooches. And yet, as good as it is to be a canine in L.A., good dog behavior is apparently lacking.

Results are in, and L.A dogs topped the list of those most likely to bite mailmen in 2014. With over 416 workers attacked in the city and surrounding areas last year, this is a problem in need of curbing. What can our dogs do? They can learn from us, their quirky human custodians. After all, Angelenos employ myriad techniques to cope with stress and keep our laid-back reputation intact. Here, a few new tricks our dogs should learn:

Instead of being the target of “Down, dog!!” cries, assume a downward dog stance and get meditating. Whether through Reiki (taught by many local dog-friendly practitioners) or puppy massage and aromatherapy from Wagville, you have options for relaxing the mind. A final case in point: El Segundo’s Otis & Lucy occasionally holds dog yoga happy hours.

Change your diet. We Angelenos love to diet, whatever that means today! Some locals eat like cavemen while others cleanse to give the body a break. Maybe you’re just mad because you’re eating all the wrong things? Our city has plenty of healthy dog food options but none are as to-the-point as Just Food For Dogs, which offers an extended menu and calming supplements.

Pick up a hobby. Like diets, we locals love to get out and do something. I have two suggestions: surfing (hey, it’s big with Huntington Beach dogs) and skateboarding (even Dodger dogs can do it!). Don’t they look so happy?

Approach mail differently. Still seeking a way to chill? Perhaps you should just avoid conflict and opt for a neo-mail service like Shyp, an on-demand shipping service that just launched in town. You might still be tempted to nip someone—but at least you won’t have to taste another USPS mail carrier uniform.

Rescue a human. We love you guys so much we have an initiative to turn Los Angeles into a no-kill animal city by 2017. They say doing something for someone else does wonders for the soul, so why not return our favor by rescuing a mailman? Believe me, it’s better to make peace than war with the person who handles your Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.