Elon Musk and his dad, Errol Musk, have each been blessed with robust broods the likes of which any medieval lord would envy, but Musk Sr. now claims that certain well-moneyed interests in South America are prepared to make it worth his while to share his seed further abroad, in hopes of creating more Elons.
“I’ve got a company in Colombia who want me to donate sperm to impregnate high-class Colombian women,” the 76-year-old South African engineer told British tabloid The Sun on Saturday, for some reason. If the genetic logic isn’t obvious, Musk elaborated, “Because they say, ‘Why go to Elon when they can go to the actual person who created Elon?'”
Perhaps knowing that the Musk Empire—much like Neuromancer‘s immortal but time-maddened Tessier-Ashpool clan—had grown beyond mere money the moment it escaped the surly bonds of earth, the nameless cogs in the unidentified Colombian breeding outfit have assured the Musk Godfather that he will be duly compensated for his material.
There will be no money, Musk said, “But they have offered me first-class travel and five-star hotel accommodation and all that sort of stuff.” (You can’t take spaceships everywhere, and they’re not even comfortable if you could.)
Asked if he might accept the offer, Musk was enthusiastic, saying, “Well, why not?”
Errol Musk already has seven kids—Elon, Kimbal, Tosca, Elliot Rush, Alexandra and Asha Rose. As well as the daughter he had with Jana Bezuidenhout, 35, in 2019 (five year-old Elliot Rush is also their child). Quick note: Bezuidenhout was Errol Musk’s stepdaughter, as he was previously married to her mother, Heide, and had two kids with her. Jana Bezuidenhout was 4 years-old when Musk became her stepfather.
And Elon is no slouch himself, boasting nine offspring. The Tesla/SpaceX boss most recently welcomed twins with Shivon Zilis, a 36-year-old top executive at his other company, human-computer interface nightmare, Neuralink, last November.
Xavier Musk—whose mother is Justine Wilson, the first wife of Elon—filed legal papers to change both her first and last name, as well as to declare her gender identity as female (Xavier was born male), in June. The 18-year-old’s name is now Vivian Jenna Wilson.
Along with Vivian and the new twins, the other Musk siblings are Vivian’s twin, Griffin, as well as the triplets Musk and Wilson had in 2006, Damian, Saxon and Kai.
He also has two children with electronic musician Grimes, née Claire Boucher. Son X Æ A-12, who recently turned two and goes by X for short, and daughter Exa Dark Sideræl, who was born earlier this year and goes by Y.
If for some reason the scheme to impregnate “high-class” women in South America with Musk DNA doesn’t bear fruit, not a problem. The old man recalls that he really got around in the heyday of apartheid.
“There was a period in Johannesburg in the eighties that I was going out with different women every night,” he told the Sun. “I had plenty of dates. So it’s quite conceivable that that one of them could actually come back and say, this is your child. It’s possible.”
We urge conspiracy-minded readers against drawing any comparisons between this potentially burgeoning “Colombian Baby Elons” situation and The Boys from Brazil.
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