Prepare the bomb shelter, load your refrigerator with replacement batteries for the PlayStation and TV remotes, stock the pantry with non-perishable food, and be sure to book your therapist for an extra session this week. It’s time for Carmageddon 2.
Over this weekend construction crews will round-house-kick L.A. by closing the northbound lanes of the I-405 freeway between the 10 and the 101, and the southbound lanes between the 101 and the Getty Center for 53 hours in order to demolish the north side of the Mulholland Dr. Bridge. The construction is part of the large-scale, billion-dollar project to widen the 405 and add a lane to the perpetually congested freeway.
Although Carmageddon 1 came and went without a fraction of the mania that experts predicted (dare we say little birdies chirped even louder, food tasted even better, and man and thy neighbor laughed together like never before the first time the 405 was closed), things aren’t going to be as hassle-free as they were the last go around. Really. We think.
City officials are warning of a new kind of terror and are concerned that their dire warnings are falling upon deaf ears. To counteract potential problems, local businesses are offering closure related deals, museums are offering free admission, and, in an effort to promote public transportation, Metro is offering an all-you-can-ride weekend pass for just $10. (This interactive map has more details).
Only one thing is certain: Carmeggedon 2 will be Topic of Conversation #1 all weekend long. Lest you run out of things to say about the closures, here’s a cache of pop culture, news, and literary quotes that could apply. Come what may, you’ll be prepared to pick a “route” and stick to it.
If It’s No Big Deal :
“Go ahead, make my day.” – Clint Eastwood
“See you at the party, Richter!” – Former CA Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
“These young guys are playing checkers. I’m out there playing chess.” – Kobe Bryant
“Yippee ki yay, mother******.” – Bruce Willis
“Why can’t I just eat my waffle? I’m just gonna eat my waffle right now.” – President Barack Obama
If It’s Bad But Not That Bad:
“Car-free doesn’t mean fun-free… We need your help to once again turn Carmageddon to Carmaheaven.” – L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa
“I’m not going to take this defeatist attitude and listen to all this crap any more from all these people who have nothing except doomsday to predict.” – Carroll Shelby
“The streets were dark with something more than night.” –Raymond Chandler
“No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I just try to relax and think about video games, what I’m gonna do after…what I’m gonna do to just to chill.” –Usain Bolt
If It’s The End of The World As We Know It:
“The government has ceased to function.” – Theodore Dreiser
“We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness.” – Joseph Conrad
“Whatever the hell you do, don’t come anywhere near the 405 corridor… Do what you did last year… Stay the heck away from here.” -Los Angeles County Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky
“I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country.” – Abraham Lincoln