We love us some diet and fitness trends here in Los Angeles. Perhaps because we are near the ocean and it’s always swimsuit season, or perhaps because Hollywood, with its oppressive beauty standards, is right next door, we have made taking care of our bodies a part of our identity. So what’s next? With things like juicing and CrossFit at the height of popularity, I did a little research to see what burgeoning trends may soon be taking over the town.
The Make-Believe Diet
Why eat food when you can pretend to eat food? A beloved practice of models and industry folks everywhere, this diet includes ordering salads and poking it with a fork, or simply stating, “I already ate! But the food here is great.”
The naturalist’s version of dumpster diving. The Fallen-Fruit Diet takes a page from the art collective and requires practitioners to only eat the fruits or vegetables available to them from public trees or plants. It’s nature’s pantry.
Palm Tree Climb Club
The PTCC is a Venice Beach-based workout that involves climbing oceanside palm trees and doing “tree sprints,” which includes making it to the palm fronds and back before the tree snaps under your weight.
The “I Have No Idea” Diet
To honor locals who know nothing about what they are eating, this selective diet is one in which you are required to eat a food item that you either can’t define or pronounce. Quinoa? Gluten? Açai? Loquat, anyone?
This is just the Mediterranean Diet but with rosé instead of red wine.
The Rose Bowl Wander
A monthly marathon that takes place at the Rose Bowl during one of their legendary flea markets. The workout routine involves getting to the location at 5 a.m. for the VIP opening and circling the stadium searching for tchotchkes until it closes.
Also known as the Canned Food Diet, this is a low-budget culinary experience in which you only eat the food from your survivor kit. For some of you, this will be a lot of fun.
Apparently this is picking up in Silver Lake and downtown, but it’s a form of exercise where you travel from one place to another without a car, bus, or bike. It isn’t running, and it’s usually done while wearing normal clothing, and sometimes with friends.
This is where you join the CrossFit cult and do not talk to anyone about it. Seriously, do not tell your lover, your mother, your friends. Just stop talking about CrossFit. If you go Paleo during this time, the same rules apply.
Want to eat that vegetable? Not without dousing it in this Irwindale classic. And so on potatoes, pizzas, bagels, pretzels, etc.
Just eat tacos. That’s it. Tacos are great.
The Werewolf Diet
Practiced by local celebs, this diet involves fasting for 24 hours during a full moon—wait, THIS IS REAL??? Damn, L.A., you are ridiculous.
Kyle Fitzpatrick is a writer, an infrequent performer, and a lover of dogs, art, shorts, champagne, and L.A. You can find his musings Fridays on CityThink. For more, check out his locally focused art, design, and culture website, Los Angeles, I’m Yours, or follow him on Twitter and Instagram.