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The Top Chef 10: What We Learned from Last Night’s Episode 4

In honor of the 10th season of Bravo’s beloved cooking competition show—and the continual stream of L.A. restaurants spawned by its contestants—we shall, every week, outline the 10 (get it?) things we learned from watching each episode. Last night’s episode of Top Chef Seattle taught us plenty. Here, our top 10 learnable moments:

10. We miss Kuniko

We skipped last week’s Top Chef Seattle on account of our being neck-deep in stuffing (we’re still eating it), but spoiler alert: we lost our hometown gal Kuniko. We miss her ’tude and effortless Japanese cooking chops already (not as much as John, though). We may yet see her again, however, because…

9. ...Last Chance Kitchen is back (video below!)

The teasers clued us in that Last Chance Kitchen, last year’s online-only competition that pit eliminated contestants against each other for a chance to come back to the show, has returned. Honestly, we never watched it the first time, but we know now that nobody’s gone for good. Even Carla (though she probably is…)

8. Kristen is kind of a floozy

“Can I get a foot massage?”  I mean, really. Every girl watching promptly made a mock-jabbing motion with their pointer fingers down their own throats, are we right? Girl can cook though. Mushrooms, anyway. And onions…

7. Whole sides of beef require a heavy metal soundtrack

Did you guys note the hard core thrashing synthesized guitar riffs that took over during the butchering scenes? That’s the most rock we’ve heard on Top Chef since the King Ad-Rock starred on Just Desserts. Bitchin’.

6. Tyler is Charlie Brown

“I can’t do anything right…” said the Denver Broncos’ #1 fan, followed by a Level 9 frowny face. Somebody cue Vince Guaraldi.

5. Chrissy is a contestant

Are we the only ones who never noticed this girl before now? That was fast.

4. Wet Pilaf would make an awesome band name

Tom was not a fan of CJ’s retro lamb dish, criticizing, among other things, his “wet pilaf.” The second it came out of his mouth we went ahead and booked the domain. (Not really. But somebody should.)

3. Padma likes a big potato

During what we like to call the “goofy interruption” segment, there’s a lot of talk about the size of Josie’s potatoes. But nobody looks quite as elated as Padma to see the giant spuds set before her. Kinky.

2. John looks like a middle-aged Steve-O

It’s decided. (Though he acts more like the toddler-version.)

1. Calf fries do NOT involve fried 'taters

We’d heard of Rocky Mountain Oysters, but this Oklahoma colloquial term for a bull’s balls was a new one for us. Thanks for the heads up Josh!

‘Till next week. Now, here's the premier of this season's Last Chance Kitchen: