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Three how-tos for women on the go

 

How to Put on Your Face at Four Stoplights
 

theessentials_masa_tLa Brea and Sunset:
Concentrate. Yes, you should have done this at home, but better late than never. 

 

theessentials_masa_tLa Brea and Santa Monica:
Hold steady. Resist urge to flip off guy leering from next lane over.

 

theessentials_masa_tSanta Monica and Fairfax:
Relax. Powdering your nose is so easy, you could do it while accelerating (but don’t!).

 

theessentials_masa_tSanta Monica and Robertson:
Ignore woman honking behind you. Full lashes aren’t worth putting an eye out.

 

 

 

How to Change into Formal Attire in a Parked Car


theessentials_masa_tCrawl into backseat (steering wheel is a deal breaker).

 

theessentials_masa_tRemove Vans and peel off jeans while maintaining this-is-normal facial expression.

 

theessentials_masa_tIn one swift, graceful movement, wriggle out of T-shirt and dive into gown.

 

theessentials_masa_tShimmy into dress until it’s vaguely in place. Slip into Jimmy Choos.

 

 

 

How to Give Your Boss a Ride Home


theessentials_masa_tRemove the 57 empty water bottles from floor.

 

theessentials_masa_tWipe down dashboard with dirty clothes earmarked for dry cleaner.

 

theessentials_masa_tStuff stray Cheerios between seat cushions.

 

theessentials_masa_tHide all evidence of Katy Perry CD collection.


 

 

Illustrations by Bill Brown 

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