You’ve seen it at restaurants and on social media feeds, haunting your dreams with its matte green ubiquity and promises of twee foodie acceptance. Avocado toast—the misunderstood combo of fatty mashed stone fruit on hot bread—is no longer a trend. Avocado toast is here to stay. Avocado toast is your friend.
Like any food that occupies a specific cultural niche—the same one that pumpkin spice lattes and acai bowls exist in—avocado toast has its detractors. People say it’s an overpriced, overly simplistic representation of all that’s wrong with L.A. People are wrong, and their complaints are invalid:
IT COSTS TOO MUCH!
Food costs money. I know, it sucks, and you have my sympathy here because I, too, wish I didn’t have to spend money on things. Avocados are a luxury item, and the economics driving avocado toast prices reflect that. If you look at raw ingredient cost versus dish cost, Lodge Bread Co.’s $8.50 avocado toast is 10 percent cheaper than any other menu item. By ordering avocado toast, you’re actually ripping them off.
I COULD MAKE IT AT HOME!
No, you couldn’t. I mean, you could, but you could also make steak at home, or scampi, or ramen, or literally anything in the world because the internet contains every piece of information that has ever existed. That doesn’t mean you could make it well. If you can bang out a long-fermented multigrain loaf as rustic and delicious as the one that serves as a base for République’s avocado toast, then I’ll personally invest in your bakery (up to $20).
IT’S JUST AVOCADO AND BREAD!
Pasta is just flour and water!
GWYNETH PALTROW EATS IT!
Hey, not all of her ideas are bad. Remember, she also told us about olive oil gargling, cupping, vaginal steaming, stinging yourself with bees to prevent inflammation… Never mind, this is indefensible. But the sins of the Paltrow are not the sins of the toast.
I, for one, welcome our new Instagrammable overlord.