The 73 Best Reasons No Sane Human Being Can Possibly Vote for Donald Trump

A weaponized list for the Great Presidential Election Facebook Wars of 2016

Maybe you have an aunt. An Aunt Linda. And she is voting for Donald Trump. You know this because she posts aunt rants on Facebook about Trump. You, of course, think President Trump is a really bad idea. Wisely, you don’t want to waste precious minutes or hours arguing with your Aunt Linda, who will not consider your reasonable pleas to vote for Hillary Clinton or Gary Johnson or Jill Stein or Harambe. But you want to go on the record as saying Trump would be a very bad president for many reasons. That’s what this list is for. To share with the Trump voters in your life. These are the most horrifying and stupefying things Trump has done, all of which actually happened.

1. He doesn’t understand how the three branches of government work.

2. Seriously, he doesn’t.

3. He doesn’t know what the nuclear triad is. (It’s a thing anyone who wants to be commander-in-chief really ought to know.)

4. In spite of knowing little about American nuclear deterrence, dude really wants to nuke something.

5. And we should keep in mind: He has a history of making spectacularly poor choices.

6. In terms of policy, you can’t believe a word he says.

7. Often has no idea what he’s talking about.

8. His economic policies are a mess.

9. His immigration policies are a mess.

10. His health care policies are a mess.

11. His foreign policy is a mess.

12. Has no secret plan to defeat ISIS.

13. His plans would add $5.3 trillion to the national debt.

14. His philosophy can best be labeled as post-ideological authoritarianism. In other countries we call that dictatorship.

15. Which makes sense.

16. Publicly mocks prisoners of war.

17. And the disabled.

18. Did not serve in Vietnam because of “bone spurs in his heels.” Has done a lot of golfing on those “bone spurs in his heels.”

19. He does not hire the best people.

20. In fact, he hires the worst people.

21. The worst.

22. And these people make no logical sense.

23. Remembers things that did not happen.

24. Panders to the religious.

25. The guy who demanded that President Obama produce a birth certificate won’t produce his tax returns.

26. The whole being racist about the Mexican judge thing.

27. Oh, and Mexican immigrants are rapists.

28. Often has no idea what he’s talking about.

29. White supremacists love him.

30. Seriously, the white robes love him.

31. And he casually retweets them like no big deal.

32. Mainly does interviews with spineless suck-ups.

33. Unable to sell steak to America. How can he sell unpopular plans to Congress?!?

34. He’s a grown-ass man who can’t spell. The president can’t help write a damn trade policy if he can’t spell.

35. Remembers things that did not happen.

36. Freaks out when women stand up to him.

37. Belittles women about their looks.

38. Belittles women about their looks.

39. Belittles women about their looks.

40. Belittles women…

41. Maybe he’s not “the best for women.”

42. He’s got a big man-crush on Vladimir Putin.

43. Is notoriously thin-skinned.

44. Repeats absurd conspiracy theories.

45. Often has no idea what he’s talking about.

46. He yelled at a baby.

47. People get beat up at his rallies. Again: No big deal.

48. Encourages violence.

49. Attacked a gold-star family.

50. Kicks people holding copies of the Constitution out of his rallies.

51. Wants to ban Muslims.

52. Or something.

53. Wants to curtail free speech.

54. His Trump University was a scam.

55. Is a chicken when confronted face-to-face by the opposition.

56. Often has no idea what he’s talking about.

57. Talks about his dick in public.

58. The alleged mob ties aren’t a great look.

59. Goes after companies for moving jobs overseas but manufactures his cheesy wares overseas.

60. Often has no idea what he’s talking about.

61. His campaign compared suffering refugees to candy.

62. He insults the police.

63. Uses his foundation as a personal piggy bank. Not only hypocritical, but a major scandal and possibly illegal.

64.  He is a serial eminent domain abuser, if you’re into the whole private property thing.

65. Seventy-five retired senior diplomats signed a letter saying he should not be president.

66. Lacks sound judgment and good temperament.

67. Is awake at 3 AM hate-tweeting about a Miss Universe’s non-existent sex tape so he can defend fat-.shaming.

68. He has bragged about sexually assaulting women.

69. And women have said he sexually assaulted them.

70. Brags about looking at naked teenage girls — some as young as 15 — in the flesh.

71. Does not pay taxes, even though he’s, you know, rich.

72. The 4,000 lawsuits.

73. America is already great.


Joe Donatelli is Senior Writer at Los Angeles magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @joedonatelli and Facebook. He wrote All the Soul-Sucking Corporate Phrases Everyone Loathes: Interpreted.

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