David Choe’s 5 Tips for Winning Friends and Influencing People


Los Angeles-based painter and graffiti artist David Choe has had an interesting life. Hopping freight trains across the US. Looting during the LA riots. Doing jail time for cashing forged checks. Known for his raw, vivid, and often degrading pieces that reflect his unique history, Choe has become one of America’s most celebrated artists in the past decade. Earlier this year he made headlines when he earned $200 million – yeah, you read that right – for adorning the Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto with murals. Back in 2007 when he was offered the gig, he chose to accept payment in stock options rather than cash.

On Wednesday, Choe’s sat down at UCLA’s Kerckhoff Hall for a “discussion.” With no moderator and no other guests, it was more like a filthy stand-up routine. While he now possesses the income and notoriety of a nascent Jeff Koons, Choe still has a rough, raw, and unapologetic personality. Here are the Koreatown derelict’s five best quotes from the evening. Be warned: these are very, very NSFW.

Plot a Path to Financial Success
“A lot of you want to know how to get rich. It’s not that hard. Just figure out what people want. But don’t open a vineyard. Wine goes bad. Open up a balsamic vinegar factory. Wine turns into vinegar anyways.”

“Whenever a girl tells me she’s not into Asian guys, I know that by the end of the day, or at least the end of the decade, I’m gonna be inside her.”

Establish a Daily Routine
“I have a terabyte of porn. I wake up and the first thing I do is jerk off. That’s what I call a 4-5 tissue morning.”

Confront Stereotypes and Racial Inequality
“If a girl tells me I’m the first Asian guy she’s ever been with, I get angry. White guys could just fuck. Black guys could just fuck. But now I have to powerfuck her or else Asian guys will never have a chance again.”

Always Be Networking
“There’s Banksy, there’s Shepard Fairey, and me. We’re the human centipede. I’m in the middle, sucking a dick and getting fucked in the ass.”

The Big Takeaway
“Part of playing this game is to not follow the rules. You have to think of shit the other way.”

[Photo courtesy or Wikipedia.org]

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  • haze021

    hilarious! this piece was a great way to lighten my mood after a very long day. thanks, andrew!